


How To Become A Mother

by missauburnleaf



Series: Parenthood [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Smut, Frodo is Bilbo's and Dís's Child, Kid Frodo, M/M, Mentions of STDs, Morning Sickness, Multi, Oral Sex, Overprotective Dís, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Rape/Non-con Elements, Relationship Problems, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, Wish for a child, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:33:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7283692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missauburnleaf/pseuds/missauburnleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tauriel had always known that she wanted to be a mother."<br/>Tauriel's P-O-V on how she met Fíli and Kíli and started her relationship with them.<br/>This is the multi-chaptered background story for my series "Wish For A Child".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading this. Leave a comment and let me know what you think, but please be kind.  
> Also, do not be shy about asking questions concerning the plot and the characters.  
> Unbetaed, so all mistakes are my own. (Please let me know if there are any.)

Tauriel had always known that she wanted to be a mother.

Of course, when she was younger (a little girl, to be more precisely) she wanted to become a ballerina, then (when she was a teenager) a writer. Or a photographer. Maybe both. Finally, when she had to really choose a career, she decided to become a teacher (although she continued her ballet lessons, wrote poetry and prose in her free time and took a lot of pictures on her hiking trips).

But her wish for a child was always there, in the back of her mind, without her acting on it. She usually told herself that she still had time. To be honest, she was bad at romantic relationships.

And then, one day, she turned thirty, without a current boyfriend, a potential husband and father to her children, in sight. Of course, she still had her job, her teaching position, and it wasn't difficult for her to fill her free time with a lot of activities, like reading, writing, meeting friends, travelling, learning new languages, but it wasn't enough to fill the void within her. Also, she was very ambitious, always wanted to do her job perfectly, so that she didn't really have time to meet new people, especially men.

But becoming a mother without a man is not that easy.

Therefore, she informed herself about her options. Of course, she could always go to a sperm bank in order to get impregnated. But that option was not really appealing to her, she preferred to have a real relationship, to have a real father for her child, not only a number from the register (although she didn't really dismiss that option, maybe in a couple of years, when she was older, when she had no other possibility left, she would do that, but not now, she was still young).

And then, per chance, she stumbled across this website where men and women expressed their wishes to become a parent. It didn't mean that they were looking for a romantic relationship, it was only about becoming parents. So, women were looking for sperm donors and men offered to donor their sperm, often including something which was called co-parenting, so that they could help raising the child, having an active role in the child's life without being involved in a romantic relationship with the mother.

The more Tauriel thought about it, the more this option appealed to her.

So one Friday night she was browsing through all the profiles, looking for a suitable father for her child, sipping a glass of wine. Next to her, on her desk, was a huge pile of students' papers she had to grade, but that could wait. Her mind was set on something else. She knew that for her a mere sperm donor would not be enough. She wanted the father to play some part in her child's life.

And then she found **their** profile.

Two brothers, looking different but similar at the same time, one blond, the other brunet. She was intrigued. (Frankly, whereas some women always seemed to fall for the same type, preferring only blond or brunet men, she liked both.)

While reading the details of the brothers' profile she was relieved to find out that they did not only want to donor their sperm, but were also interested in being a co-parent. And they preferred that the potential mother of their child wanted to be impregnated by the two of them (either by insemination or naturally), that they would share all rights and obligations equally. Furthermore, they claimed that they had tested negative for STDs (including HIV and Hepatitis as well as Chlamydia, HPV, Gonorrhoea and Syphilis) and the test results were not older than three months. (Other profiles lacked that information completely or only mentioned negative test results for HIV and Hepatitis, the results being six moths old.)

For Tauriel it was clear that she wanted to try with them and she wanted to try with both.

That is, if they were interested in trying with her. She was older than them, after all. _Lionheart_ (that was the blond one's user name) was almost two years younger than her, _LittleWolf_ (that was how the brunet called himself) more than six. There was only one way to find out: She had to send them a private message.

She took another sip of wine to find her courage and wrote to them, introducing herself, telling them about her wish for a child and why she opted for a sperm donor (or two in that case) and co-parenting. Afterwards she was having second thoughts, but the deed was done, her message was on its way, there was nothing she could do now except from waiting for a response.

Tauriel finished her glass of wine and went to bed.

 


	2. Response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel goes about her day, waiting for a response to her message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what I have been doing the last couple of weeks?  
> Yes, grading exam papers! (If I have to suffer, Tauriel has to suffer.)  
> Unbetaed.
> 
> Alea iacta est. (Latin) = The dice is cast.

The next morning, Tauriel couldn't believe her eyes.

The brothers had actually responded to her private message, expressing their interest in getting to know her better, assuming that a woman who called herself _Starlet_Lullaby_ could only be awesome. (She had to admit to herself that she created this user name one dark and lonely night under the influence of strong red wine.)

Furthermore they went a little more into detail about why they went for this option to father a child: They had never been separated from each other since their childhood (even still sharing a room as adults), they were raised by their mother and two uncles, until their younger uncle died in some kind of accident (they did not really went into detail about this, but Tauriel also didn't want to know at this point). Up to now, no girl or woman could understand the strong bond between them, thus, it was difficult for them to find a girlfriend, but they were sure about their desire to start a family.

Also important to Tauriel was the fact that they didn't live that far away from her. It would only take thirty to forty minutes by car for them to reach her hometown (or for her to reach theirs). And they seemed to be interested in getting to know her personally, promising to bring all the required documents and certificates with them as well as some pictures of them when they were children.

Tauriel hesitated for a moment. That was a big step she was about to take. She really needed to be sure about her wish for a child. Especially if she was to do it like this. Therefore she decided to go about her normal morning routine first – doing yoga, having a shower, eating breakfast – before responding.

But since she couldn't find any argument against getting to know the brothers personally (after all, it didn't mean that they would start trying immediately), she proposed a meeting between the three of them in a café in her hometown. _Alea iacta est_ , she thought as she pressed the enter button and sent the message on its way.

The whole Saturday, Tauriel was nervously waiting for a reply, regularly checking her inbox for a new message while grading her students' papers, but there wasn't any response. She didn't understand. They had been so interested in getting to know her in their last message. What was the reason for them not answering now?

Around noon, Legolas, her twin brother, came home from wherever he had been, slamming the door behind him, heading straight to his bedroom. Tauriel sighed. That could only mean one thing: He and his long-term boyfriend (actually it was more of an on-off relationship) had had a fight. To distract herself, she decided to go to him, talk to him, comfort him if necessary. He cried a good deal into his pillow, sobbing that this time it was really over between him and Haldir and why was he so bad at relationships? Tauriel just rubbed his back, handed him clean handkerchiefs and asked herself the same question. Why were they so bad at something most people took for granted? Maybe they had to blame their parents for this.

“You are doing it right, Tauriel, you don't give your heart to anyone," he finally said, wiping away his tears, blowing his nose. “From now on I will enjoy being single, like you!” Saying that, he stood up, went into the living room and inspected their DVD collection. Tauriel joined him. “Fancy watching a sad film with me?” he asked. Tauriel shook her head. “I'm sorry, there are still those papers I have to grade. Maybe later.” Legolas nodded absentmindedly while reading the text on the back of a DVD case.

Tauriel went back to her small office, continuing grading papers and occasionally checking her inbox for new messages. And then, finally, she did receive a new message from them, late in the evening. They were apologizing for not answering sooner, but they had to deal with a few family issues first before they could take her up on her offer to meet them at the café, like she proposed. It was even possible for them to meet her the next day, like she suggested (if she didn't already have any other plans, that is, they kept her waiting, after all).

Tauriel answered that, no, she didn't have any other plans, and she was looking forward to meeting them at three o'clock at the _Lakewood Café_. They promised to be there. With a smile, Tauriel shut down the computer and joined Legolas in the living room to watch a sad film on DVD.

 


	3. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel meets Fíli and Kíli for the first time.  
> And their mother.  
> An awkward but impressive first encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated.  
> Unbetaed.

It was only a twenty minute walk from the apartment she shared with Legolas to the _Lakewood Café_.

Before entering, she took a deep breath, then opened the door. The café was crowded, as was usual for a Sunday afternoon. She let her eyes wander over the different guests, hoping to spot _Lionheart_ and _LittleWolf_ among them, a part of her fearing that they didn't come, that they had changed their mind.

But then she saw them, sitting at a table in the back, the blond one and his brunet brother. They were even more handsome than their pictures suggested. But they were not alone. A woman with long, curly auburn hair who looked as if she was in her late forties or early fifties was sitting with them. Tauriel froze. What was the meaning of this? For a moment she hesitated. Maybe it was better she left. But before she could act upon her idea _LittleWolf_ spotted her, waved her over to their table, calling her by her user name. “Hey, _Starlet_Lullaby_!” That caught the attention of not only his brother and the auburn-haired woman, but also of a few other guests who glanced curiously at her.

Tauriel felt that she was blushing, but there was no chance that she could leave now without drawing more attention to herself. So, she bravely walked over to the table, smiling nervously. “Hello, I'm glad you found it!” Honestly, the whole situation was awkward and she didn't know what else to say.

 _LittleWolf_ grinned like a Cheshire cat, the woman scrutinized her with a raised eyebrow, _Lionheart_ smiled friendly at her. “We are glad you are here, come, have a seat”, the woman said politely and Tauriel sat down, opposite from them. “Maybe I should introduce myself,” the woman said. “My name is Dís Goldberg. I'm the mother of those two rascals.”

 _She seems to be less stern than she looks_ , Tauriel thought, smiling at them while introducing herself. “I'm Tauriel Greenwood. And to be honest, I wasn't expecting anyone else, except from -” She hesitated a moment, then referred to the brothers with their user names because she didn't know their real names. “ _Lionheart_ and _LittleWolf_.”

The blond groaned while his brother giggled. Dís looked at her sons. “That is how you call yourselves? Really? No wonder you get so little responses from women. Those are childish names,” she scolded them. Tauriel disagreed. She found their names rather endearing but didn't tell her.

 _Lionheart_ cleared his throat. “Please excuse our mother. She tends to forget that we are fully grown men who can make their own decisions. By the way, my real name is Fíli”, he finally introduced himself. “And I'm Kíli,” his brother added. Then they said simultaneously, “At your service!”

A waitress came over to their table, bringing some hot beverages. Obviously, the Goldbergs had already ordered before she arrived. “What can I do for you?” the waitress asked Tauriel. “I'd like a _chai latte_ , please,” she answered. The waitress jotted something down on her notepad, then nodded and left. For a moment, there was silence while each of the Goldbergs sipped their drinks. Tauriel waited.

“So, Tauriel – or do you prefer to be called Miss Greenwood?” Dís asked. Tauriel shook her head. “No, Tauriel is fine, Mrs. Goldberg.” Dís smiled. “It's _Miss_ Goldberg, I've never been married. But please call me Dís. After all, if everything goes according to plan, you will soon be carrying my grandchild.” Tauriel blushed, while Fíli rolled his eyes and Kíli exclaimed, “Mama! You are embarrassing!” Dís lifted her hands in a defensive gesture. “I'm just talking business. That's the reason why we are all here today, isn't it?”

Tauriel had to admit that Dís had a point there. But Tauriel had expected to meet only the brothers, not their mother as well. Why was she here, anyway? Didn't she trust her sons to make the right decisions? Was she afraid they could make any mistakes?

“Yes, that's why I'm here, to get to know Fíli and Kíli, to find out if I want them to be the fathers of my child,” Tauriel explained, making sure that Dís understood that Tauriel hadn't expected to meet her as well. Dís smiled knowingly at her. “Well, my dear, I think that you have already made that decision, haven't you. This meeting is just a formality.” Tauriel blushed again. She couldn't remember when she had ever been blushing that much in her life.

Dís continued talking, taking a manila envelope out of her bag. “So, we brought everything with us, here are my sons' negative test results for STDs – by the way, we will need yours as well –, their spermiogram – I hope you can prove that you are fertile –, the contract about their rights and obligations as fathers and yours as the mother, some pictures of them when they were little, copies of their secondary school qualifications and Fíli's degree in business studies – again, we will also need some proof of your qualifications.” She handed the envelope over to Tauriel. Then she stood up. “So, now try to get to know each other. In the meantime I will run some errands. When shall I pick you two up again?” she asked her sons. Fíli and Kíli looked at each other. “I don't know, maybe in an hour?” Fíli answered. Dís nodded. “Well, I'll be here. Have fun!” Saying that, she left the three of them alone, almost colliding with the waitress who brought Tauriel's tea.

“I'm sorry, but our mother insisted on accompanying us,” Fíli finally explained. “In the past we had some rather odd encounters with really strange women who were registered on that website.” Tauriel gave him a sympathetic look. “It's okay,” she answered. Kíli looked really upset. “No, it's not,” he said, “I can understand if you are no longer interested!” Tauriel frowned. “Why would I not be interested anymore?” Fíli snorted. “Because we brought our _mami_ to the first meeting with the potential mother of our child.”

Tauriel smiled at them. “It just means she cares for you. A lot. And if my mother had known what I was about to do today, I think she would have wanted to accompany me as well. Just to keep me safe. But I didn't tell her.” Tauriel didn't mention that her mother lived abroad. “Frankly, I didn't tell anyone because...” She didn't finish the sentence, unsure of what she wanted to convey. “Because?” Fíli asked. Tauriel sighed. “Well, it's not easy to admit that you desire a child more than anything else in your life, although your life is good, you have an awesome job, you have wonderful friends and a loving family, but something is missing. And you have difficulties to find the right partner or to keep a functional relationship. That you are single, not because you want to be, but because you are difficult.” It was the first time she ever admitted that to herself, let alone anyone else.

The brothers exchanged a look, then Kíli reached for her hand. “It's okay. We understand. Hell, if you think you are difficult, it just means you don't know us!” This prompted Fíli to nudge his brother with his elbow. “Well, perfect Kee! Now she certainly is no longer interested!” This caused Tauriel to laugh. She liked them. She really did. And wasn't that a good starting point? If she really was to have a child with them, then it was important that they all got along.

Her outburst and the brothers' good sense of humour broke the ice. They started to talk, really talk, about this and that, about their childhood experiences, their families and friends, their jobs, their interests, their future. Tauriel opened the envelope, looked at all the documents and certificates, frowning. “You are so well prepared for this, I don't have anything with me that might keep your interest in me as a co-parent.” This time, Kíli snorted. “Really? This is how you think? Well, you brought yourself, that is more than enough for us. As soon as I saw your picture I thought, _Hell this is the mother of my future children_!”

Fíli cleared his throat. “Well, of course I saw your picture, but I also read your profile. That is what convinced me that you were perfect for us.” Tauriel looked at him sceptically. He tried to elaborate. “Of course, only as the mother of our child, nothing more. We don't expect anything else from you.” Kíli sighed. “No wonder we are single, do you hear yourself talking?” Then he turned to Tauriel. “I guess what he is trying to say is that, of course, we like you and find you very interesting, but we also know that this is only about having a child together.” Fíli nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, you have something we need and we have something you need to create a child. That's all.”

Tauriel tried to remain serious, but failed. Clasping her hand to her mouth she laughed and laughed and laughed. Finally, she said, “You two are really adorable, do you know that?” Confused, the brothers looked at each other. “Well, thanks, I take it as a compliment,” Kíli finally said. They continued talking and joking, until Dís came back, carrying several brown paper bags with goods from the local farmer's market. She smiled fondly at them. “So, I see, you three did get along,” she said. Kíli beamed at his mother. “Yeah, she is wonderful, Mama!”

Tauriel felt her stomach clench. He shouldn't think about her like that, as if he was falling for her. This was supposed to be almost business-like, uncomplicated. But if Kíli started to fall in love with her, the whole affair could become very complicated, especially when she became pregnant with his or his brother's child. Fíli seemed to notice something as well because he scrutinized his brother critically.

Dís, however, seemed to be happy about her son's enthusiasm. “Well, that's great.” She checked her watch. “Unfortunately, we have to go now. Tauriel, it was a pleasure to meet you and I think you left quite the impression on my sons. You got all the papers you need to make your decision. Please don't forget to bring the required documents and certificates we need from you the next time you meet my sons, so we can make ours. Now I have to go home and cook dinner for the family. Come on, boys!”

The brothers turned towards Tauriel, saying their goodbyes, shaking her hand, first Fíli, then Kíli. With one final look in her direction, they left the café.

Clutching the manila envelope to her chest, staring into empty space, Tauriel tried to make up her mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Fíli's and Kíli's first encounter with Tauriel is rather awkward since Dís insisted on joining her sons, but in my headcanon Dís is a real mama bear.  
> While she supports her sons' decision to have a child without a real relationship (knowing her sons, she is convinced that this is the only way she will ever become a grandmother), she also worries about what kind of woman her sons are going to meet this time, especially since they already had some bad experiences.


	4. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel and Legolas have a heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately no Fíli and Kíli this time.  
> Unbetaed.

When Tauriel came home later that afternoon, still clutching the manila envelope, Legolas was waiting for her, sitting on the cream-coloured leather couch in their living room.

“Where have you been?” he asked. For a moment she hesitated, then she faced her brother, deciding to go for a half-truth. “I met with some friends.” Legolas narrowed his eyes. “Who?” Tauriel took her time, putting the envelope down, shedding her olive green parka and her brown lambskin boots before answering, “You don't know them.”

When she left earlier this afternoon, Legolas had still been in his room, refusing to come out and listening to some sad love songs, drowning in self pity. Honestly, she was convinced that her absence would go unnoticed. But it didn't.

Legolas' gaze wandered to the envelope. “What's this?” he asked. “Oh, erm, just some... papers,” she said. Legolas frowned. “Papers,” he repeated sceptically. Tauriel rolled her eyes. “Oh, for heaven's sake. Can't you stop being so inquisitive? I'm an adult! I can do whatever I want as long as I don't hurt anyone!” She didn't look at Legolas as she stormed off, heading for her bedroom.

After shutting the door behind her, she went straight to her bed, sitting down on the quilt in different shades of green her mother had made for her for her eighteenth birthday, before moving abroad, leaving her husband and children behind.

Tauriel opened the manila envelope again, pouring out its contents, spreading everything on her bed around her, contemplating. She had to admit that Fíli's and Kíli's mother was right. A part of her, a more instinctive than rational part, had already decided that she wanted to have a child with the brothers. Now she just had to figure out if that would be a wise decision.

A knock at the door. “Tau, can I come in?” Legolas. Tauriel sighed. “Yes, of course,” she answered, starting to pile up all the papers in order to put them back into the envelope, while Legolas walked in. “Let's please not fight, okay? I have enough of fighting. And it wasn't my intention to -” He stopped, looking at the pictures of Fíli and Kíli she hadn't yet put back into the envelope.

“Who are those kids?” he asked. Tauriel hesitated. Should she let him in into her secret, that she had set her mind on becoming a mother, taking the first steps into that direction? He was her brother, her twin brother, after all. They had shared their mother's womb, so wasn't it natural to share other things as well?

“Well, the friends I told you about, the friends I met today, I met them online first. These pictures are pictures of them when they were children,” she started. Legolas frowned, crossing the room, joining her on the bed. “I don't understand. Why did they give you pictures of them when they were children?” Tauriel took a deep breath. That was more difficult for her than she had thought. “It... could be interesting for me. Because I want them to be the fathers of my child. It might give me an idea how my child could look like.” Legolas shook his head. “You don't make much sense, Tauriel. Are you dating them or what? By they way, are you dating two guys at the same time? That doesn't sound like you. At all.”

Tauriel sighed. If she wanted Legolas to understand, really understand, she had to start from the beginning. So she told him about her wish for a child, about her joining the website and finding Fíli and Kíli, their exchange of messages, the first meeting. At first she was hesitant about mentioning her encounter with Dís because retrospectively she had to admit that it was weird. But a part of her was glad to have met that woman.

“She is a real _mama bear_ , Legolas. Really! To some extent she reminded me of our mother, before -” She didn't continue. Legolas did. “Before she abandoned us? Before father started drinking?” Tauriel sighed again. “She didn't abandon us. She simply moved away. You could visit her, you know. Like I do. She always asks about you.”

Legolas smiled sadly. “If she had stayed with us, she wouldn't have to ask. Then she could see for herself.” Tauriel knew that Legoas was still hurting because their mother had left them shortly after their eighteenth birthday. Whenver she called, Legolas refused to talk to her, just handing the telephone over to Tauriel. But Tauriel knew that their mother had had her reasons for leaving like that and Tauriel understood. Legolas didn't and didn't even want to try.

“Anyway, let's not talk about mother, let's talk about you,” he changed the subject. “How serious is that wish of yours? Do you really consider getting impregnated by two strangers?” Tauriel rolled her eyes. “Yes, of course, why else would I have met with them?” Legolas shrugged. “Just checking. Can I have a look at those papers?” Tauriel nodded, handig him the envelope over.

Legolas took his time, perusing every document as if his life depended on it. Finally he looked up, smiling at her. “I think they're a good choice, Tauriel, really. Especially the fact that they are completely clean reassures me. Because, you know, if you want to get pregnant, you will have to do it with them without any protection.”

Tauriel blushed. It wasn't the first time that they talked about sex, but usually it was about his sexual encounters (or lack thereof), not hers. Maybe he believed she was still a virgin, for all she knew. “Thank you, I know how it works,” she said flippantly, taking the papers back from him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a kind of interlude.  
> Please bear with me.


	5. Pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel's second meeting with Fíli and Kíli.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Enjoy!  
> Since I will be busy in RL over the next couple of weeks, updates will take place irregularly.  
> Unbetaed.

They met again next Friday night.

This time in Fíli's and Kílis hometown (though it was rather a village, as they admitted), at their favourite pub (frankly, it was the only pub in the village) in walking distance from their home.

While she was getting ready, Legolas curiously observed her styling efforts. “Don't you think it's too much? You don't go to the Oscar's, after all, just some rural boozer.” Tauriel, who was currently straightening her hair, caught his gaze in the mirror. “You are really disrespectful. We are not living in a metropolitan area either.” Legolas shrugged. “At least our town is bigger than theirs. And you can find its name on every map – I didn't find theirs!”

Tauriel rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Legs, don't you have anywhere else to be? It's Friday night! Go out. Have fun.” He sniffeled. “You are heartless. You know very well that I'm not in the mood. I don't like going out alone. And there is no one left I could go out with – you have your own life now, our friends have their own lives, and Haldir and I are history. There is no way I will ever forgive him for what he did to me!”

Tauriel felt awful. Her brother had told her about Haldir's infidelity (one of the reasons why he thought that Fíli's and Kíli's negative test results for almost all STDs were definitely a huge pro for choosing them as fathers for her child). Legolas had confessed that, of course, he and Haldir had usually been safe when having sex, but not always, which meant that he had had to get tested and was now waiting for his results.

“I'm sorry, Legs. But if this is really over between you and Haldir, you have to start from scratch, find someone else, be happy!” He smiled sadly, watching her putting away the hair straightener and arranging her hair in her customary half-up hairdo. She was already dressed – nothing too fancy in her opinion, just dark blue skinny jeans and a knitted top in beige and gold she made herself when she was still at university. Now she merely had to put her make-up on and was ready to go.

“I don't think I will ever find someone who loves me unconditionally. We are cursed, Tau. We are cursed since the day our parents cconceived us. Why else would my beautiful, kind and intelligent sister opt for... sperm donors and co-parentship in order to become a mother? If anyone, then it would have been you who deserved a happily ever after with prince charming.”

Tauriel was touched. Her brother was really depressed and she felt bad for leaving him alone in his state. But once in her life she had to be selfish. If she backed out now, then maybe Fíli and Kíli would find another woman who wanted to become the mother of their child. And she was somehow sure that she didn't want any other men to father her child, though she didn't know why.

Sighing, she turned towards her brother, embracing him, pressing their foreheads together, something they hadn't done for years (interestingly, she remembered something her mother had told her once, that as babies she and Legolas were always seeking each other's proximity, cuddling and embracing each other, even directly after birth).

“Legolas, do me the favour and go out! Don't stay home alone! At least go over to father, spend the evening with him. He is as lonely as you.” Legolas took a deep breath. Then he nodded. “Yeah, you are right, I'm just being stupid. Have fun tonight, sis, but please don't get pregnant right now, okay? I'd like to meet them before you... you know!” He winked at her, then left her alone, so that she could finish her make-up before going out in order to meet the potential fathers of her child.

She didn't arrive on time, though. This was due to the fact that the village's name wasn't signposted on the highway, only the neighbouring villages. Thus, she missed the right exit which cost her fifteen minutes. But the pub itself was easy to find. And, as expected, there was enough parking space in front since most patrons came by foot.

When she entered the pub, the locals stared at her which made her nervous. _They know_ , she thought. _They know that you are not able to have a functional relationship and therefore want to become pregnant like this_. Her first impulse was to bolt, but then she somehow found her courage. Who cared what they thought? Holding her head high, she looked around, searching for Fíli and Kíli. And then she found them, close to the bar. She would never forget the expression of pure happiness on Kíli's face as soon as he spotted her, nudging his brother, so that Fíli also turned into her direction, smiling shyly.

Tauriel took a deep breath and walked over to them.

“Hey, hi,” she said and felt that her enthusiasm sounded fake. Nevertheless, Kíli beamed at her. “Glad you came! We were almost afraid you had changed your mind!” He seemed so sincere that she felt bad for her earlier contemplations of leaving. “I'm sorry for being late, I missed the rigth exit on the highway.” Fíli shrugged. “That happens to everyone who doesn't live here. Come, have a seat,” he said, standing up, rightening her chair. They seemed to be so zealous in doing everything right, it was really endearing.

Once she was seated, Fíli asked her what she wanted to drink. Noticing the tankards of ale in front the brothers she said, “Oh, something without alcohol, please, like table water or some juice, I have to drive, after all.” Fíli and Kíli looked at each other. “Well, if it comes to that, you can stay at our place. Mama is quite fond of you, told us not to screw it up tonight,” Kíli explained. Fíli rolled his eyes. “Well, I think you just did, Kee. But anyway, we have some spare bedrooms at home. And mama loves guests, so...”

Tauriel nodded. If she was honest to herself, she needed something with alcohol in it to survive the evening, being almost as nervous as when she took her finals, graduating from university. “Thanks for the offer, by the way. In that case... what about some wine then?” she suggested. Fíli looked relieved. “I'm sure that's no problem.” He signaled for the barkeeper to come over. “So, Bofur, what wines do you have?” he asked.

The dark-haired man, who was wearing a rather funny hat, looked surprised. “Well, the usual, of course, red, white, rosé, sweet, medium-dry, dry...” Fíli sent an asking glance in Tauriel's directon and she smiled a charming smile, saying, “A medium-dry rosé would be fine.” Bofur looked at her as if noticing her presence for the first time, then nodding into her direction. “Of course, at your service, mylady!”

Tauriel looked questioningly at Fíli and Kíli who simply looked at each other, shrugging, before answering, “Well, I think it's some kind of insider joke, you'll get used to it.” Tauriel simply nodded, not asking why she should get used to it. Wasn't that implying much more than only having a child together? However, they spend a pleasurable evening.

Whereas the conversation during their first meeting revolved more around their lives in general, their jobs, their families, their interests, they now went into detail. Fíli and Kíli had already told her that they were both working in the family business, that being a small workshop for wood- and metalworking, but now they elaborated on the kind of things which were built in the workshop, like furniture, fences, doors, sculptures, sometimes according to customer wishes, sometimes their own designs.

“Wow, that sounds amazing,” Tauriel admitted, sipping her wine; it was already her second glass. Kíli shrugged. “Well, that depends. Although Fíli and I are also sometimes creating stuff, we have mostly other tasks to fulfil, like, in Fíli's case, taking the photos of the completed works for our website and me running this website.” He took a sip from his ale while Fíli elaborated. “Of course, there is more what he and I do in the family business, I, for example, help our uncle run this business, whereas Kíli deals with the customers, taking orders, reacting to their complaints and such.”

Tauriel was impressed. That would explain why they still lived at home, so they were not simply mummy's boys. Of course she had checked out the website, after they had told her about the workshop. Just to make sure that it wasn't made up (because technically they were strangers, they could tell her anything). She was relieved the workshop existed, the website even featured pictures of the staff (and she recognized Fíli, Kíli and Dís). So they had told her the truth.

“Well, what about you, Tauriel? You said you were a teacher?” She nodded. “Yes.” She told them about her teaching job at the local grammar school in her hometown. When she ordered another glass of wine, Bofur brought the bottle over to their table. “Here, lass, drink as much as you want, you are the only one here drinking wine tonight anyway!” Saying that, he left again.

Tauriel looked confused at Fíli and Kíli. The brothers shrugged. “The people here prefer ale, mead or even stronger stuff, like whiskey and corn schnapps. But of course there are exceptions. Uncle Thorin, for example, likes the dry, red wine they serve here and mama and Bilbo also drink wine – although mama prefers white wine and Bilbo the sweet ones,” Kíli explained. Tauriel raised an eyebrow. “You mentioned this Bilbo before, but I'm afraid I don't really understand how you are related to him.”

Fíli and Kíli exchanged a look. “Well, it's complicated,” Fíli finally admitted. “Technically we aren't, that's why we like to refer to him as a family friend. But you will find out for yourself soon enough.” Tauriel decided not to press them further on the subject. Instead, she started to talk about her own family, that she and her twin brother shared an apartment, explaining that her parents were not divorced but living separatedly, her mother even in another country, that their only other living blood relatives were a grandfather and a grandmother (the grandfather being their father's father, the grandmother their mother's mother) but they weren't really close.

By the end of the evening, Tauriel had emptied the wine bottle to two-thirds and Kíli had already finished his third pint of ale whereas Fíli was still drinking number three. They decided to call it a night and, after settling the bill, left. “So, I can't believe you will spend the night at our home,” Kíli commented as they walked down the street. Tauriel remained silent. She was brooding, not fully understanding why she agreed so quickly to staying at Fíli's and Kíli's house. They were strangers! But the fact that she had already met their mother somehow let her feel safe with them.

“Shh, quiet, if we wake up little Frodo, mama and uncle will have our heads,” Kíli whispered after unlocking the door. “Little Frodo?” Tauriel asked. “Our... baby brother,” Fíli explained. Tauriel stared unbelievingly at them. “Baby brother?” Kíli nodded enthusiasticly. “Yeah, he is almost six and really cute!” Surprised, Tauriel shook her head. “I didn't know you had another brother.” Fíli shrugged. “Well, he was the reason for our wish to become fathers,” he explained. “When he was born, we were grown up and acted rather as surrogate fathers than big brothers when we babysat him.”

Tauriel nodded, trying to imagine what it would be like to be a part of such big family. Kíli seemed to read her thoughts because he said, “Tomorrow morning you are going to experience our family life first hand, at breakfast. If we are lucky, Bilbo will be making his famous buttermilk pancakes.” Tauriel smiled. “That sounds great,” she answered, really looking forward to it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Haldir, I don't know why I write him like an asshole.


	6. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending the night at Fíli's and Kíli's house, Tauriel meets their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me quite a while to finish and edit this chapter. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.  
> Unbetaed.

Tauriel woke up because somebody knocked at her door.

When sitting up in bed she needed a moment to figure out where she was. Of course, the guest bedroom in Fíli's and Kíli's house. “Yes?” she asked through the closed door. “Good morning! I hope you slept well. Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes!” It was Fíli. Tauriel took a look at her watch, lying on the bedside table. A quarter to nine. “Thank you,” she answered and started to get up.

The guest bedroom Fíli and Kíli had given her last night had a small bathroom attached to it, complete with a toilet, a wash basin and a shower with shampoo and body wash. Fíli had given her some fresh towels, a toothbrush and toothpaste whereas Kíli had shown her that there were some spareclothes in the old wardrobe in the bedroom which she could borrow. Then they had left her alone for the night.

When going out, Tauriel always took clean underwear and other daily necessaties with her, so taking a shower and freshing up was not a problem. Ten minutes later she went down the stairs, wearing the jeans from the night before and a grey sweatshirt from the wardrobe, her hair falling down her back in a simple braid, and she had no make-up on.

Downstairs, she almost collided with a small dark-haired boy. He was wearing blue pyjamas with red and green planes printed on them, holding a greyish brown knitted teddy bear in his arms and stared at her from big, light blue eyes, the same blue as Fíli's and Dís' eyes. Tauriel froze. That was surely little Frodo. “Oh, hello, there,” she said, smiling. The little boy smiled shyly back, than vanished through one of the five doors, leading away from the corridor.

“Frodo? Hey, Frodo! Come on, you have to get dressed for the day. We are all dressed. You can't run around in your pyjama's when we have a guest!” That was unmistakingly Kíli's voice, coming from behind one of the other doors. Soon after, he walked onto the corridor, almost instantly smiling as he noticed her. “Hey, Tauriel, good morning. Did you sleep well?” She smiled back. “Oh, yes, thank you.” They fell silent for a while, just looking at each other. Tauriel started to feel uncomfortable, when Kíli suddenly seemend to remember, why he was here. “Oh, by the way, did you see a little boy running around in his pyjamas? My task is to dress him, but he has escaped while I was putting out his clothes.”

Tauriel nodded, saying, “Yes, he just ran into there,” while pointing to the door the boy just had gone through. Kíli looked relieved. “Thank you so much, Tauriel. See you at the breakfast table!” With that, he went through the same door like Frodo did a couple of moments ago. And Tauriel still didn't know which way the kitchen was. So she took it upon herself to try the different doors until she was lucky.

The kitchen was rather big, of course bigger than hers and Legolas' kitchen, but even bigger than the kitchen in her parents' (or father's, to be more precisely) house. Fíli was already there, as was Dís, both of them busy with putting finishing touches to the table which was set for seven, while a rather short man with dark blonde curls and a friendly face was piling pancakes on several plates. “Good morning,” Tauriel said to get their attention.

All three adults looked into her direction, Fíli smiling slightly, Dís scrutinizing her, then nodding into her direction, the short man beaming at her, putting pan and pancake turner aside, wiping his hands on his apron. “Good morning, Tauriel, I'm Bilbo!” he returned the greeting, walking towards her, his hand extended. Tauriel shook it. “Nice to meet you, Bilbo.” _So, this is the family friend_ , Tauriel thought to herself. “You are right on time – the pancakes are ready! Oh, by the way, do you drink coffee or tea?” Tauriel smiled at him. “Coffee, please. Can I help you somehow?” Bilbo shook his head. “This is not necessary. You are our guest. So, please sit down!” He was gesturing to the table until Tauriel did just that. Apparently there were no fixed sitting arangements in the Goldberg household.

Only a moment later, Fíli placed a pot with hot, black coffee in front of her, then sitting down next to her while Bilbo handed her a plate with pancakes. “Thank you,” she said to both men. Bilbo smiled at her. “You're welcome. And, oh, you should try those with Dís' homemade marmelde. She is a goddess in the kitchen!” He looked at her admiringly and Tauriel wondered for a moment if they were lovers. Tauriel put a small blob of the marmelade onto her plate.

Then, the door to the kitchen opened and the same little boy Tauriel had encountered before rushed into the room, still only half-dressed, wearing his pyjama bottoms and a dark blue jumper. Kíli was hot on his heels, but he was not alone. A somber looking man with dark, long hair and a regal poise accompanied him.

“So, little Frodo beat you again at this let's-not-get-properly-dressed-game,” Fíli commented sarcastically. Kíli rolled his eyes. “Well, yes, it seems he has mastered that discipline,” Kíli responded, sitting down in a chair next to his brother, while the little boy headed right into Bilbo's direction, wrapping his short arms around the man's leg, giggling and saying, “Daddy!”

Tauriel looked questioningly at Fíli and Kíli. Kíli simply shrugged. “You explain, brother!” he said. Fíli sighed. “There's not much to explain. Bilbo is Frodo's father and our mother his mother as well, but they are not really a couple in the classical sense, I think, although Bilbo is living with us.” If Tauriel was honest, she would have to admit that this explanation didn't make anything any clearer to her. The brothers started eating their pancakes. Her confusion, however, must have shown on her face, because Dís elaborated.

“I love children, always wanted to have three or four, but didn't find the right partner. I have to admit that Fíli wasn't planned, I was only twenty when I had him, and my boyfriend at that time – Fíli's biological father – was not the kind of guy you would introduce to your parents, let alone marry. So I became a single working mom. And I loved it to be a mother! So that was when I decided to have another child: Kíli. His father and I had a brief affair, it was nothing serious. But by then I knew I didn't need a partner or husband at my side in order to raise children, I had my family, my brothers, who supported me after all and were father figures to my sons.” She paused and let her gaze wander to the dark-haired man who was still standing on the threshold.

The man smiled slightly and Tauriel noticed how handsome he actually was, despite being in his early fifties. She could see the family resemblence between him and Fíli and Kíli. _This must be their uncle_ , she thought. Then Dís continued. “Of course, being a mother of two, working full time in the family business and being a part-time student at the commuity college took all of my time, so that I delayed my plan of having more children. Especially after our parents' and brother's death Thorin and I had to work harder than usual to keep the workshop up and running.”

She paused again and Tauriel realized that the dark-haired man had taken his place at the table, between Kíli and Dís, eating breakfast. Bilbo sat next to Dís, with Frodo on his lap. “I met Dís and Thorin when I moved here to start my new teaching job as an English teacher,” Bilbo explained. “Kíli was one of my students and he struggled with this subject. I was concerned and had several talks with his mother and uncle and together we developed a strategy on how he could improve his performance, taking his disorder into account.” Bilbo took a sip from his tea.

Kíli cleared his throat. “I think you should know that I'm dyslexic, Tauriel. Of course, no one ever noticed before, all my teachers simply thought I was too stupid. But Bilbo noticed and he helped me, contacted experts, liguists, speech and language therapists he knew from his university days, and tutored me. Now reading and writing doesn't bother me anymore. Of course, I make still mistakes when I'm nervous or stressed, but who doesn't? Thanks to Bilbo, I learned strategies how to cope with my disorder.”

Involuntarily, Tauriel thought about her own brother who was diagnosed with dyscalculia. Poor Legolas! He also had to face people who thought he wasn't very intelligent due to his difficulties at dealing with numbers. She felt sorry for Kíli who had received a similar treatment.

“So that was how Dís and I became friends,” Bilbo concluded. In the meantime he had placed Frodo on the chair next to him and cut his pancake into little pieces which the five-year-old started to eat happily. “We talked about other things, then, about our private lives, and at some point Dís confessed her wish for another child. Me, I've always dreamed about being a father, but since I'm not that into women, never had a real relationship with one, I thought it would always remain just this: a dream. But thanks to Dís, it didn't. Our little Frodo ist proof of that!” He ruffled the little boy's dark curls affectionately.

Tauriel started to understand. That was the reason why Fíli's and Kíli's mother was so open-minded about her sons' decision to become co-parents. Her way of becoming a mother was not so different from that.

“So, now that you know half of our family story, I'd like to introduce myself. I apologize for not doing it sooner, but I didn't want to interrupt my sister or Bilbo. I'm Thorin, Fíli's and Kíli's uncle. And you are Tauriel, the potential mother of my grandnephew or grandniece. It's nice to finally meet you in person, since my nephews, especially Kíli, couldn't stop talking about you.”

Tauriel blushed. Again, she had the feeling that the younger of the two brothers was falling for her. “Nice to meet you too, Thorin.”

They finished their breakfast in silence. Tauriel had to admit that Bilbo's buttermilk pancakes with Dís' marmelade had been really good. Afterwards, as Kíli helped Bilbo cleaning the table (they refused Tauriel's offer to help since she was their guest) and Fíli decided to apply himself to the task of getting Frodo dressed, Dís turned towards her with a serious expression. “So, Tauriel, do you have the required documents with you? It's not that I don't trust you, but business is business.”

Tauriel nodded. “Yes, of course, I have some of the documents, but not all. I'm still waiting for some of the test results.” She rummaged around in her handbag for the folder she had compiled for this purpose and, after finding it, handed it over to Dís. To her surprise, the woman didn't open it. “Erm, don't you want to take a look?” she asked. Dís smiled at her. “Of course, but I want to wait until Fíli and Kíli have finished their tasks and can have a look at it as well. After all, this concerns them more than me, doesn't it?”

Tauriel nodded. Dís was right. After her first encounter with Fíli's and Kíli's mother, she got the impression that she had to deal with her when it came to the formalities of this arrangement. Thorin stood up. “I'll go and get Fíli,” he explained. Dís nodded, then turned towards her other son. “Kíli, come, have a seat. We want to have a look at Tauriel's folder.” Kíli didn't need to be told twice, almost overturning a chair in his enthusiasm.

A short while later Fíli entered the kitchen, a smug smile on his face. “Guess what, little brother? I was able to convince Frodo to take off his pyjama bottoms and put on his jeans. He is now playing with Thorin.” He sat down next to his mother. Kíli glared at him but, after a stern look from Dís, remained quiet.

Tauriel felt nervous while the brothers and their mother took a look at all the papers she had put together, her graduation certificate, her university degree in English, her employment contract, pictures of her (some with Legolas) as a child, her negative test results for HIV and Hepatitis. “Well, boys, that looks great so far. Doesn't it?” Dís asked her sons. Fíli simply nodded while still reading one of the documents.

Kíli on the other hand couldn't get enough of her pictures as a child. “You were such a cute little girl! And your brother – this is your brother, isn't it? – looked also rather cute. I can only hope that our child will look like you!” Tauriel blushed. “Well, thank you. But when I think of your and your brother's pictures, I can only say the same.” Kíli looked up from the picture, beaming at her.

Fíli cleared his throat. “So, when will you get the other test results?” Tauriel shrugged. “They are due next week.” He nodded, contemplating her answer. “That's great! It means we can sign the contract before Christmas!” He smiled at her and she returned the smile. That meant that soon she would also somehow be a part of this unusual family.

 


	7. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel spends Christmas with Fíli's and Kíli's family and friends.  
> They are finally signing the contract.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly, this chapter wanted to be written sooner than I thought. Enjoy!

When Tauriel got her remaining test results, she was happy.

Of course, they were all negative. She hadn't expected anything else.

As soon as she received them, she contacted Fíli and Kíli who really sounded relieved. “Now we can all sign Balin's contract and getting started with our baby,” Kíli exclaimed on speaker. Tauriel tensed. Of course, he was right, that had been the whole point of it all, to make a baby together, but until now the whole concept had been rather abstract to her. Fíli laughed shyly.

“Well, we won't start immidiately, Kee, that's for sure, there are some things we have to figure out first, like how we want to do it... Tauriel, we leave it up to you to choose between insemination or the natural way.” Tauriel took a deep breath. Of course, she had done some research.

If she chose insemination, it would mean that the donors would ejaculate their sperm into a container, the sperm then being either injected into her vagina, close to her cervix, or it would be put onto a so-called insemination cap (something looking like a diaphragm) which then would also be placed inside of her and ensured that the sperm had more time to find its way into her womb, without gravity taking its toll.

If she chose the natural way, on the other hand, it would mean that she would have to have sex with the donors, as simple as that. Until now, she hadn't made up her mind about it.

“Thank you, I'll let you know about my decision as soon as I make it,” she responded, firmly pressing the receiver against her ear. They all fell silent for a moment. Then, one of the brothers (through the phone she couldn't make out which one) cleared his throat.

“So shall we meet before Christmas then? To finally sign the contract? I know that mama wants to be present and since Balin is our certifying notary, he needs to be too. That means we have to find a date that suits us all.” It was Fíli who made this proposition, but his brother seemed to have a better idea. “Or we could do it at Christmas? Mama and Bilbo are always cooking this impressive Christmas dinner together, on Christmas Eve, inviting the whole family and close friends. We will be there and Balin will be there and you could come, too, Tauriel!”

She hesitated. Fíli noticed. “Maybe she already has other plans, Kee.” Of course she had. She had always spent Christmas Eve with her father and Legolas (of course, before her mother had left, they had spent Christmas together as a family), this year would be no exception. “Do you? Have other plans, I mean?” Kíli inquired. Tauriel sighed. “Well, actually yes. But maybe I can postpone my plans, if you like?” Of course she could. She could meet her father and brother on Christmas Day. “No, please don't do that. We can ask mama to cook dinner for family and friends on Christmas Day. This way, you could come as well without cancelling your original plans.” Tauriel was contemplating Kíli's proposal. “Well, thank you, but I don't want to be a bother. I think I can manage with Christmas Eve.” A part of her felt bad for leaving her father and brother alone together. Since their mother moved away, her father liked his wine a little bit too much. And now, after his ultimate break-up with Haldir, Legolas was also in a very fragile state, meaning he would turn to a wine bottle for comfort, too.

But they were grown-up men, perfectly able to take responsibility for their actions. She couldn't always be there to keep an eye an them.

And so, they agreed to meet on Christmas Eve at Fíli's and Kíli's family home to sign the contract.

Of course, Legolas was disappointed that she wouldn't spend the evening with him and their father, but understood. Thranduil on the other hand  didn't take it that well and sounded rather offended. “Go out, have fun, family isn't that important nowadays, is it?”

Of course, she hadn't told him that she would spend Christmas Eve with the potential fathers of her unborn (or rather unconceived) child and their family. She just told him that she was invited by some new friends. Nevertheless, Thranduil would get over it.

So, on Christmas Eve she stood in front of the Goldberg's door. Since Fíli and Kíli hinted at her being able to spend the night again at their place (of course, only in the guestroom, they didn't imply anything else), she packed a knapsack with all the things she would need for the night and the next morning as well as her negative test results and two bottles of wine (a dry red wine and a medium-dry white wine).

Then, taking a deep breath, she rang the bell. It didn't take long until a rather short young man with curly red hair and a beard of the same colour opened the door. “Who are you?” he asked quite gruffly, looking confused.

But when she opened her mouth to introduce herself, Kíli appeared behind him, wrapping one arm around his neck. “Gimli, be nice, that's Tauriel, the mother of my children!” Tauriel blushed while Gimli frowned at her. Clearly, Kíli was already drunk. Thankfully, Fíli showed up right on time. “Tauriel, great you are here. Mama and Bilbo will be over the moon!”

He gestured for her to come inside, taking her bag with the bottles and test results from her, instructing his brother to put her anorak on the coat rack while Gimli was still frowning at her. Finally, he said. “She's got red hair!” Tauriel didn't understand what he meant by that, but Kíli giggled and Fíli rolled his eyes. “Of course she's got. Why wouldn't she? You also have red hair.” Gimli turned towards Fíli. “Your mother has got red hair, as had almost all of your previous lovers.”

Tauriel felt uncomfortable. Fíli cleared his throat. “So, Tauriel, this is our little cousin, Gimli. He recently turned twenty-three and just has had a drop too much, please excuse his behaviour.” Tauriel smiled. “It's okay. It's Christmas.” What she wanted to convey with that, she didn't know. Fíli took her arm and led her into the living room, closely followed by Kíli and Gimli. “Hey, everybody,” he exclaimed, “this is our dear friend, Tauriel.” The other people in the room stopped their conversations, looking into their direction, smiling or raising their glasses at them.

Then, they resumed their conversations.

“So, Tauriel, what would you like to drink?” She would spend the night here, which meant she didn't have to drive tonight, so she could choose something alcoholic. “Erm, a semi-dry rosé wine, please?” Fíli smiled smugly. “Of course, Bofur brought a couple of bottles as soon as he found out that you would be here for Christmas!” And winking at her, he disappered into the crowd.

Tauriel felt lost for a moment, noticing some of the others staring at her curiously. But when she looked into their direction, they pretended to look at something else. It was rather exhausting. “Hey, I'm so glad you are here!” Kíli finally admitted, embracing her. Since Tauriel didn't know what kind of behaviour was appropriate concerning their situation, she reciprocated the embrace. “And I'm glad that I'm here!” Gimli snorted. She had completely forgotten about his presence until now. “Oh, baby cousin, come on! Only because you can't find love, it doesn't mean no one else can!” And whispering into Tauriel's ear, he added, “His girlfriend of three years dumped him in August, since then he is insufferable.”

Suddenly, she felt sorry for the young man, completely ignoring Kíli's comment about finding love. “That's a shame, the thing with your girlfriend, I mean. My brother and his boyfriend of over ten years split up a couple of weeks ago. So, I understand if you are unhappy.” Gimli looked curiously at her. “Your brother is gay, then?” The question surprised her. “Yes, “ she answered. Gimli glared at Kíli . “Did you set her up to this?” Kíli giggled. “No, Gimli, I swear, I had no idea! Although, remembering their childhood pictures, he is rather cute.” Winking at his cousin, Kíli whispered again into her ear. “Cousin Gimli is bi, you know.”

Fortunately, Fíli arrived with her drink, handing her the glass. “Mama asks for you!” he quietly said. Tauriel sighed. She wasn't used to that much family.

When she walked into the kitchen, she was greeted by an over-enthusiastic Dís. “My sweet girl, there you are, finally. See, Lobelia? This is her, my daughter-in-law-to-be!” Tauriel froze while Dís embraced her, whispering, “Please, play along!” And Tauriel just did that (although she didn't know which brother she was supposed to be betrothed to).

This Lobelia woman, looking somehow similar to Bilbo, scrutinized her. “So, you are going to marry him?” Athough Tauriel didn't know who _him_ was, she said, “Yes, of course!” Lobelia narrowed her eyes. “No plans to live in sin, like my dear cousin, then?” she asked. Tauriel could hear Bilbo squeak in the background and Dís growl next to her.

Tauriel tried to look as innocently as possible. “No, of course not.” Lobelia looked at her a couple of moments, then she nodded. “Good, good, at least there are some decent people left in this world!” Saying that, she stormed out of the kitchen. Both Dís and Bilbo released a breath. “Thank you so much, Tauriel. This woman has been bothering us with her moral standards for years!” Dís explained and Bilbo sighed. “She refuses to understand my relationship with Dís and Thorin. So, unfortunately, we had to bring you and your made-up engagement to one of Dís' sons into the picture.” Tauriel nodded, then asked, “But this _engagement_ , who is it to?”

Dís and Bilbo looked at each other, then laughed. “She never asked! Technically it could be to both. Wouldn't that be shocking to Mrs Ramrod-Straight?” Dís mentioned. Bilbo doubled over with laughter. “I think this idea would kill her, Dís!” Tauriel tried to relax, to find this situation as humorous as the other two. But for some reason, she couldn't. “Anyway, to be on the safe side, don't use any names, just say he or him and we,” Dís instructed her. Tauriel nodded. She could manage that.

Later, when they all sat down for dinner (carefully looking at the place cards), Tauriel found herself sitting between Fíli and Kíli. Sending a questioning gaze towards Dís wasn't helpful at all. The older woman just winked at her, then she applied herself to the task of cutting the turkey.

Tauriel remembered the last time she had had a roasted turkey for Christmas. She was seventeen, then, their last Christmas as a family. Her mother had always been a great cook (even proved to be that today, when Tauriel came to visit). Since then, it was only her, her father and her brother and they usually ordered Chinese take-out, sharing two or three bottles of wine.

Tauriel came back to the present when she was nudged by Fíli. “Another glass?” he asked, holding the rosé wine bottle in front of her. She nodded. Why not? If she were with Thranduil and Legolas right now, she would also drink wine.

Anyway, the dinner seemed to last for hours, first course (consisting of bouillon), main course (the turkey, of course, mashed potatoes, peas and carrots), dessert (homemade apple pie with vanilla sauce, brown sugar and cinnamon).

Afterwards, some of the guests already said their goodbyes. Fortunately, this Lobelia woman was among them. Tauriel, on the other hand, found herself in a quiet corner of the living room, together with Fíli, Kíli and Dís and another, rather old looking man with white hair and a white beard. “So, finally, let's talk business then. I'm Balin, Balin Founder, at your service,” he introduced himself. Tauriel smiled politely. “I'm Tauriel Greenwood,” she answered. “I know, lass, I know. The lads already told me about you.” His knowing smile unsettled her for some reason.

“Tauriel, my sons told me that you got the remaining test results – which were all negative. Do you have them with you?” Tauriel nodded, handing the envelope over. Dís didn't even open it. “I will put it into your folder,” she promised and her trust touched Tauriel. “So, Miss Greenwood, you got a copy of the contract, concerning the rights and obligations of Fíli and Kíli Goldberg as fathers and you as the mother of your potential child. Did you read it carefully?” Tauriel nodded. “Yes, of course.” Balin smiled at her. “Good, good. And do you agree with the conditions of the contract?” Tauriel nodded again. Kíli rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, Balin, let's just sign the damn thing!” Tauriel had to suppress a laugh while Fíli hissed, “Kíli!”

Balin looked at her scrutinizing. “Lass?” Tauriel cleared her throat. “Yes, of course I agree with them. That's why I'm here, to sign the contract.” Balin nodded to himself. “Perfect, perfect, ladies first, I would say!” He handed the original contract over to her. Tauriel briefly perused it, just to be sure. The conditions were the same as in the one she received. Then she put her signature on it, before handing it back to Balin. The old man smiled happily at her, then he gave the contract to the brothers. Fíli was the next one to sign it, then Kíli did. Afterwards, Balin took back the document. “Alright, that's settled then. You three are about to become parents, sooner or later.”

Tauriel, Fíli and Kíli shyly looked at each other, then smiled. “Finally!” Kíli whispered.

Suddenly, Tauriel remembered her manners. “Oh, Dís, I totally forgot! I brought two bottles of wine as a hospitality gift!” Saying that, she took out the bottles of her knapsack, handing them over to Fíli's and Kíli's mother. Dís smiled genuinely at her. “Thank you very much, Tauriel. You are a good girl. That's why I'm glad my sons chose you!”

Tauriel was at a loss for words.

 


	8. New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel and Legolas attend the brothers' New Year's Eve Party.  
> Both of them make up their minds somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are very much appreciated.  
> Unbetaed.

In the afternoon, it started snowing. It was the first snow of this year.

At a quarter past four Tauriel parked her car in front of the Goldberg residence. Legolas, sitting in the passenger seat, sighed. “Tell me, please, why did you insist on dragging me out here?”

Tauriel rolled her eyes. “Because we are invited, both of us. And since you didn't have any other plans...” Legolas pouted. “Well, how do you know? Did you ask me? No, you just assumed.” Tauriel had to admit that he was right to some extent. She didn't ask him what his plans for new Year's Eve were before she included him in hers.

At Christmas, Fíli and Kíli invited her to their New Year's Eve party. And she requested if she could bring her brother along, even before she knew if he was available, just guessing. She would never forget the conspirationally gaze Kíli shared with his brother before saying “Yeah, sure!”

Actually, Legolas never told her if he had other plans, only complaining that she forced him to attend some backwood party. “But I thought you liked them! You said they were perfect to become the fathers of my child!” she tried to counter his negative attitude. Legolas shrugged. “Well, I talked about genetics, not about becoming friends!”

Nevertheless, here he was now, next to her, in the middle of nowhere, standing in front of the Goldberg's door. It reminded Tauriel a good deal of her visit on Christmas Eve. A part of her almost expected Gimli opening the door again.

But it wasn't the gruff redhead who welcomed them in. It was a rather softly-spoken, well-mannered young man. “Good afternoon. I'm Ori. I assume you were invited by Fíli and Kíli?” Tauriel smiled and nodded. “Yes, we were. I'm Tauriel, and this is my brother, Legolas.”

Ori's eyes widened for a moment. “Oh, you are Tauriel! Come on in, then. Fíli and Kíli will be happy to see you!” Legolas frowned at her, but remained silent. Ori led them into the corridor, showed them where they could hang up their anoraks, then led them over into the living room. “Hey, everyone, I brought some new guests. I think we are complete now, aren't we?” Tauriel let her gaze sweep over the room.

Of course she recognized Fíli and Kíli, sitting side by side on Dís comfortable big brown corduroy couch. Next to them, in an armchair of the same colour and materiel, sat Gimli, holding a glass of whiskey in his hands. On the floor, between couch and armchair, were sitting a very young looking boy with dark, curly hair and grey eyes and a girl, approximately about Gimli's and Kíli's age, with honey-coloured curls. There was some similarity between them and Tauriel's initial thought was that they were surely siblings.

Upon seeing her, Kíli jumped up from the couch, crossing the room, embracing her. “It's so good to see you again!” He whispered into her ear. Tauriel blushed. “Thanks, I'm glad you invited us!” Kíli took the hint. “Oh, of course, it's great that you could make it, too – erm, Legoas? Is that right?” He turned towards Tauriel's brother shaking his hand enthusiastically. Legolas's smile rather looked like a grimace.

Fíli seemed to notice their discomfort, because he intervened. “Kíli, come on, don't attack them like that. They've just arrived and didn't have a drink yet – unlike us!” He raised his glass of beer in order to make a point.

This seemed to be some insider joke because the others started laughing. Tauriel and Legolas shared a rather helpless expression, until the girl stood up and walked over to them. “Oh, just ignore them. The guys have already opened a barrel of beer around noon and can't be hold responsible for anything they say or do. I'm Sigrid, by the way, and I'm glad I'm no longer the only girl here.” She extended her hand towards Tauriel, who shook it. “Nice to meet you!” she said.

Tauriel found out that Sigrid was twenty-one and the dark-haired boy was her younger brother, only eighteen years old. They were the kids of another friend (and business ally) of the Goldberg family. Ori, on the other hand, was, like Gimli, some kind of cousin to them. If Tauriel understood them correctly, their grandfathers had been cousins, or something like that.

It turned out that Tauriel and Sigrid, despite their age difference, got along very well. As did, after some initial difficulties, Legolas and Gimli. They were talking animatedly and exclusively with each other, laughing, flirting, drinking. Since neither Tauriel nor Legolas had to drive (Fíli and Kíli had generously extended their offer of spending the night at their place to Legolas as well), they both indulged in the semi-dry rosé wine from Bofur's Pub (actually, that was also the name of the establishment he ran, _Bofur's Pub_ ). They had to pass the time until midnight somehow.

Then, after seriously considering playing some paranormal games, they settled for some good old Karaoke. They were all drunk at this point, so Karaoke was more fun, of course. And it led to some interesting results, like Legolas interpretating a classical rock ballad which happened to be their parents' song, as Tauriel explained to Kíli. He simply looked at her, then answered, “It must mean a great deal to him to sing it, then.” Tauriel just nodded. A failed love story. Like so many others. She could feel tears burning in her eyes and she could see them glistening in her brother's.

But she could also see that Gimli looked intently at Legolas, a longing expression on his masculine and handsome face. And when it was his turn to interpret a song, he chose something about love and heartache. Tauriel noticed with bated breath that he sung every verse as if he meant it, directed at her brother. Could it be that Gimli was really attracted to Legolas? Even falling for him? Of course, she would be happy for her brother, he deserved someone at his side. But Gimli was very young, as young as Kíli (even a couple of months younger, to be more precisely). But sure, this Gimli was a rather decent guy as far as she could tell.

As soon as the song stopped, the redhead looked at Tauriel's brother with an inquiring expression. She could see that Legolas was deeply touched. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, frowning, breathing hard, but then he obviously made up his mind, heading straight towards the shorter, red-haired man, embracing him, kissing him on the lips. The other guests, including her, cheered, Kíli being the most enthusiastic among them. “It seems that those two idiots really found each other,” someone whispered into her ear. It was Fíli. “Yeah, it would seem so,” she answered.

Of course, she was happy for Legolas. But on the other hand she was concerned that her brother might get hurt again. The whole ordeal with Haldir had been awful. He was her brother's first and only boyfriend, and then to learn that he was unfaithful (he even infected him with gonorrhoea) because Legolas was “not enough”, “very naive” and “too complicated”.

But it weren't only Legolas and Gimli who had to sing a song. Fíli and Kíli were the next ones, singing together, of course. Tauriel felt deeply touched as she saw the intimate interaction between the brothers. It was a love song they chose, about unrequitted love, and Tauriel felt her stomach doing sommersaults whenever they looked into her direction. It was at this point of the night, when she finally made up her mind. She would't go for insemination, no, she would choose the natural way.

Fíli and Kíli looked very attractive, handsome, one with dark unruly curls and big brown eyes, the other blond, blue-eyed, bearded. In order to get pregnant, she wanted to have sex with them, she was sure about that.

But she was also sure that she didn't want to already try in January. She needed some time to prepare her body and mind, time to get to know Fíli and Kíli better. February seemed to be perfect for her.

Later, she would inform the brothers about her plans, maybe directly after midnight. It would be a good time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I swear that I really like Haldir, honestly!  
> If you want to find out what happened between Legolas and Gimli you should read my fic "Attraction at New Year's Eve".


	9. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Tauriel is getting ready for her date with Fíli and Kíli, she remembers another encounter she has had on Valentine's Day, one that was rather traumatic but she has successfully ignored it. Until tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dealing with a rather dark topic which might be not to everyone's liking. Despite, it wanted to be written.  
> Please be kind. Reader's discretion is advised.  
> Unbetaed.

Tauriel was nervous.

Her ovulation test was clearly positive, which meant she should have sex within the next 24 to 36 hours and she would have sex tonight. On Valentine's Day. With two men, brothers, nonetheless.

Of course, she wasn't a virgin. But she wasn't that experienced either. The number of her previous lovers could be counted on the fingers of one hand, without even needing all fingers for that. So she was no stranger to vanilla sex, rough sex and oral sex. But never in her life did she have sex with two men at the same time. And now she was about to have exactly that, for the first time. It felt naughty to her. Naughty and arousing.

While getting ready for the big event (taking a shower, shaving her legs, her pubic area, her arms and armpits and washing her hair), she suddenly remembered the last time she had been intimate with a man, also on Valentine's day. It was five years ago and it hadn't been a good experience, at least not for her.

She had somehow liked the guy then, of course she had, otherwise she wouldn't have gone home with him for a drink, but she wasn't really attracted to him. She had known him for quite a while, they frequented the same gym, but she had never really talked to him. Until that day. There had been some kind of Valentine's Day event for singles at their gym, and they ended up sitting next to each other, talking, laughing. He admitted he had noticed her already several weeks ago, being interested in her, wanting to get to know her better. And now he had finally the chance, although he said that he wasn't looking for anything serious.

Tauriel felt flattered, despite him not really being her type – too big, too bulky, too brutish, too macho. But accepting his invitation to his place for a drink or two didn't mean that she would have to marry him. She was young and independent and – after two failed attempts (or rather three, but two of them were with the same guy) at romantic relationships – she was ready to try something casual.

She never got the drink he promised her, though.

They had barely closed the front door to his flat behind them when he started kissing her rather aggressively, completely surprising her with this move. Never had somebody kissed her like that and she wasn't sure if she liked it.

In retrospect, Tauriel knew she should have stopped him then and there, should have fled his apartment. But when she could feel his arousal, his desire for her, she thought that maybe it wouldn't be that bad. After all, it would be just sex, nothing more, nothing less.

Therefore she let him touch her like he wanted, let him kiss her some more, with too much tongue and teeth and very sloppy, his hands roaming greedily over her body, undressing her roughly while he was dragging her towards the bedroom. Since she knew what was expected of her, she went through the motions, telling herself that maybe she would enjoy it, he was somehow attractive after all (at least to some women who liked those kind of guys). Never before has she had casual sex, and if it wasn't to her liking, well, she wouldn't have to repeat the experience. And it would surely make him happy.

She was wrong. Not about the part of making him happy, no, certainly not about that, but for her it was really, really bad.

He hadn't been gentle with her at all, quite the contrary, not caring for her or her pleasure in the slightest, just using her body for his own satisfaction, even hurting her (that was when she started protesting, struggling against him, but he ignored her, overpowered her). It had been so different from her previous experiences with her ex-boyfriends.

At least he had cared enough to use a condom.

Later, when she was lying there in the dark, next to him, he already fast alseep, she felt so bad, used, dirty and sore (even bleeding), that she could taste bile rising in her throat, feeling sick. She jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom to vomit. Afterwards she got quickly and quietly dressed, leaving his flat, going home, never wanting to see him again in her life (and she had never again entered that gym).

When she arrived in her and Legolas' apartment, she collapsed against the closed door, crying and sobbing shamelessly. Luckily, Legolas was at Haldir's place, so she had the apartment to herself. It wouldn't have been good if he saw her in this dishevelled and desperate state. When she couldn't cry anymore, she got up, threw her clothes into the laundry basket, took a shower, scrubbing her skin raw, brushing her teeth violently. She wanted to get rid of his smell on her body, of his taste in her mouth.

Afterwards she wrapped herself in a fluffy pink bathrobe (it was a Christmas present from her father, Legolas got the same one in blue, it was supposed to be some kind of joke, considering them being twins, but the bathrobes were rather comfortable, so they really wore them), poured herself a huge glass of Gin and sat down on the couch in the living room, looking into space, drinking. When the glass was empty, she poured herself another drink with shaking hands. After she finished that glass as well, she turned off the lights and went to sleep on the couch. That was where Legolas found her the next morning. He wondered, of course, but she didn't tell him anything. She knew that her brother would kill this guy if he knew what he had done to his sister.

She told her friends, Éowyn and Arwen, though, one Sunday afternoon some weeks later, while they were drinking sweet red wine, eating homemade chocolate biscuits (Arwen's special recipe), talking about their jobs, their lives, relationships, sex. It wasn't easy for her to admit what had occurred with that guy, but she needed to talk about it with someone.

“Did he force you?” Éowyn, always the police officer, finally asked, her brows drawn together. Tauriel thought about it for a moment, then shook her head, shrugging. “No, not at the beginning at least, I just let it happen, I should have stopped him then, but I didn't. I was so stupid!” She felt tears burning in her eyes, but forbid herself to cry; she had cried enough about that. Éowyn took her hand in a supportive, consoling gesture. “Did you ever say no?” she asked.

Tauriel took a deep breath. “When it hurt, I did, I even asked him to stop, really pleaded with him, but he ignored me, when I tried to push him away, fought against him, he backhanded me, grabbed my wrists in one hand and held me down, covered my mouth with the other, so that he wouldn't have to hear my cries of protest. He was so big, so much stronger, I tried to break free, but I couldn't!” She involuntarily sobbed.

Arwen, the psychologist, regarded her thoughtfully, then said, “Well, you know, in some countries it is even considered rape when the girl feels bad or mistreated afterwards and when you say that you asked him to stop because it hurt and his only reaction was to hit and restrain you, to continue... You should have gone to the police or a clinic, so that they at least could collect the evidence from your body.”

Tauriel let her words sink in, then she shook her head again. “No, I couldn't. What evidence? That I had rather rough sex? I couldn't prove anything! I went home with him voluntarily. People at the gym saw us talking, flirting, leaving together...”

Éowyn shook her head as well. “Arwen is right. Although it's not always easy to prove a sexual assault, every woman should go to the police, no matter what. Maybe you were not his first victim and surely you will not be his last! Monsters like him should be stopped! Of course, he can always claim that it was consensual, but if there is the accusation of sexual abuse, the police will have to act.“

It never crossed Tauriel's mind that the guy could have done it to anyone else. She didn't think that any other girl would have been as stupid as her.

“You said no, Tauriel, that's the point. It doesn't matter when you say it, even in the middle of a sexual act you have the right to change your mind. And every decent guy has to accept it, no matter how horny he is. Otherwise it's rape!” Arwen said angrily (although Tauriel knew that the anger wasn't directed at her) and Éowyn nodded.

Tauriel understood that they were right, both of them, they were either happily married (in Arwen's case) or engaged to be married (like Éowyn). They would know about decent guys! But a part of her refused to regard what had happened to her as rape. She told them so. “I don't want to be considered a victim. Hell, I practiced kickboxing, even at that damn gym! I should have been able to fight him!” Arwen smiled at her, stroking her hair. “You are not a victim, you are a survivor. A survivor of rape!” But Tauriel shook her head. “No, I just want to view it as a bad experience and forget it!”

And she did. She totally forgot about it. Until now. Because now she would have sex with two men she liked, but wasn't in love with (of course not, she had never been in love before, not even with her boyfriends, why should she be now), two men she considered friends, but who were almost strangers. She was nervous about how they would treat her in bed. Maybe she should have opted for insemination, but this procedure didn't appeal to her at all. Not only because it was so clinical (and messy, especially when using the insemination cap, according to some forum entries she had read previously), but also because she was a woman of flesh and blood and she couldn't deny the fact that she was attracted to Fíli and Kíli. **Really** attracted. In spite of her bad experience with that vile guy.

Nevertheless she was afraid to make another mistake.

So, it was with shaking hands that she put on her new underwear (a dark-pink push-up bra with a lacey floral design and a matching lace slip in dark green) she had only bought for this occasion, blow-dried and styled her hair (nothing too fancy, just her usual hairdo she wore almost everyday). Then she got dressed: black leggins, a dark-green knitted dress with a black leather belt and black high-heel boots.

After putting her make-up on (not too much, just foundation, black mascara and eyeliner and some lipgloss) she checked her appearance one more time in the mirror, taking a deep breath.

Now she just had to wait for them to arrive.

They were right on time, both of them dressed nicely, Kíli wearing dark blue jeans and a white, freshly ironed button-down shirt under his black pea coat (she wondered if it had been Dís or Bilbo who had done the ironing for him), Fíli in light blue jeans and a dark brown jumper under his beige-brown sheepskin jacket, carrying a holdall (certainly with the things they would need for the night and the next morning) and a wine bottle. Both men beamed at her.

“Hey, come on in you two,” she said enthusiastically. “Thank you, you look great,” Fíli said, handing the bottle over to her. “I remember you rather liked Bofur's rosé wine,” he explained, embracing her. “ _We_ remembered. And you look _gorgeous_ ,” Kíli corrected his brother, embracing her as well, even kissing her cheek.

“Oh, thank you, that's very nice of you, but if this evening is successful, I won't be able to drink the wine for several months or even longer” she explained. The brothers looked at each other, then blushed. “Oh,” was all that Kíli said, adding, “I told you it was a bad idea to bring alcohol, Fee, it looks like we want her to get drunk in order to... you know.” Fíli rolled his eyes. “Actually, both of us were not sure what to bring tonight. We have never been before in this situation.”

Tauriel smiled reassuringly at them. “Neither have I. But we will figure it out together!” That broke the ice, all three of them laughing. She led them over to the couch, asking what they would like to drink. “Water, please,” Fíli said. Kíli looked rather indeceisive. “Erm, do you have some beer?” Tauriel nodded. Since Legolas fell in love with Gimli on New Year's Eve, there were always two or three bottles of beer in the refrigerator. She fixed their drinks, bringing them over to the couch.

The brothers were curiously looking around, saying their thank yous, when Tauriel handed them their drinks. She herself drank some pineapple juice. Although, considering the situation, she could do with a drink, she hadn't drunk any alcohol since New Year's Eve in order to cleanse her body and prepare it for the potential pregnancy.

“So, this is where you live with your brother,” Kíli finally commented. Tauriel nodded. “Yeah, we bought this apartment together right after I signed my contract at the grammar school. Of course, our father helped us out with the money, but we are paying him back.” Kíli nodded, taking another sip from his beer. “Must be great to have your own place, though. Fíli and I, we really love our family, we do, but sometimes it's rather exhausting because you can't help but feel a little bit controlled.”

Tauriel smiled. “No offense, but knowing your family, I understand. Although I can assure you it's only because they care. Not everybody has that, especially when grown up.” She thought about her own mother, living far away, being more like an older friend or a sister, not a mother. And her father, well, their relationship was rather chilly because she looked a lot like her mother and her father liked to behave like a spoilt brat, never forgiving his wife for leaving like that, not accepting that she had moved on, leading an independent life, away from her husband and children.

For some time, they sat there in silence, sipping their drinks.

Finally, it was Kíli who reminded them of the brothers' purpose of being here. “So, how and when shall we start?” Tauriel shrugged her shoulders. “I don't know. Do you want me to get undressed now? Or do you want to undress me?”

Fíli smiled reassuringly at her. “Well, you opted for the natural way. Let's do this as natural as possible, then.” Saying that, he pulled her close, kissing her lightly on the lips, looking into her eyes as if asking her permission and when she nodded, he kissed her again, deeper, using his tongue. It didn't feel awkward to her at all.

As soon as they broke the kiss, panting, Kíli carefully took her face between his hands, kissing her in earnest, tenderly and hungrily at the same time. It drove her almost crazy, craving for more. “Wow, that's promising, can't wait to make love to you” Kíli whispered afterwards, smiling. Tauriel drew her eyebrows together, lowering her gaze, biting her lip.

It was Fíli who put his hand on her arm, catching her attention. “Hey, are you okay? Is it too much for you? We can stop if you want to. We can do this later... or another time.” Tauriel shook her head, taking a deep breath. “No, you two are amazing. And I want to... you know, with both of you. It's just been a while for me and the last guy I was with...” She laughed nervously, looking intently from one brother to the other. “Well, let's say, he wasn't gentle at all.” The brothers glanced at each other, understanding dawning on their faces. For a brief moment, Tauriel panicked. _They know what happened to you, view you as damaged goods, they don't want you anymore_ , she thought.

“We're sorry you had to experience something like that. But before him, the sex was usually good?” Kíli asked. Tauriel felt herself blushing. “Yes,” she finally said. Kíli and Fíli looked relieved. “Well, then you know what it should be like, and I promise, we won't do anything you don't want to do, okay? Just let us know if something doesn't feel good, or if you like it differently, or even if you want us to stop altogether, all right?” Fíli asked. Tauriel nodded. He sounded so sincere, she trusted them.

It would be different this time.

Now it was her who took the initiative, first kissing Kíli, then Fíli, dragging them up with her. “Let's take this to the bedroom, okay?” she suggested. The brothers looked intrigued, nodding and following her lead as she took their hands, heading for her room.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Tauriel lost any doubt, all her restraint, alternately kissing one brother, then the other, letting them undress her, undressing them in turn, touching, feeling. To her, it was bliss. Then finally, they all settled down on her mattress, naked and knowing what would happen next.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really feel sorry for Tauriel, considering what she had to go through.


	10. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel, Fíli and Kíli are making love for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After her previous experience with the vile guy, Tauriel deserves some good sex with Fíli and Kíli.

Tauriel enjoyed the feeling of two pair of hands roaming freely over her body while the three of them were kneeling on her bed.

She could feel Fíli pressing against her back, one of his hands cupping her breast, his thumb rubbing over her nipple, while his other hand wandered downwards, over her belly, lower and lower until it came to rest on her pubic mound. His fingers parted her folds, finding and stimulating her clit, brushing over her entrance, pushing in, preparing her. He certainly knew what he was doing.

Kíli was pressing against her front, simply holding her around the waist, kissing the moans from her lips while her arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, her fingers playing with his unruly dark hair. It felt good to be sandwiched between them like this.

Then Fíli nuzzled the side of her throat, whispering, “I'd like to take you from behind. Is that okay with you?” Tauriel hesitated. She had never been taken like this before. But there was a first time for everything. “Y-Yes,” she answered.

Fíli pressed a kiss to her throat. “Awesome,” he mumbled. Then he let his hands wander over her body again, to her shoulders, down her arms, finally grabbing her wrists. “Just support yourself on Kíli.” He placed her hands on his brother's shoulders. Kíli turned his head, pressing a kiss to the back of her left hand, then her right, tightening his grip on her waist.

Fíli was shifting behind her, grabbing and tilting her hips into position with one of his hands while she could feel his hardness pressing against her backside, sliding down until it was resting against her wet entrance, the fingers of his other hand parting her folds again, holding her open. Then he started pushing in.

She experienced a burning sensation as her passage was stretched by his thick shaft and panicked. Memories of her last time with a man invaded her mind. Tauriel gasped and tensed, clenching her inner muscles shut, preventing him from going further. Fíli stopped immediately. “Relax, I don't want to hurt you,” he said. Tauriel nodded and took a few deep breaths, telling herself that it was okay, that she really wanted it this time, that he would treat her well.

Fíli's hand started massaging her clit again, while Kíli pressed tender kisses to her face, stroking her flanks. The ministrations helped her to relax, unclenching her inner muscles, and Fíli slowly pushed all the way in, groaning deeply, admitting, “You feel so good, so very tight!” He gave her some time to adjust, then started moving.

Despite her initial discomfort and fear, it felt wonderful.

Tauriel's fingers pressed into Kíli's shoulders, as Fíli went faster and faster, gripping her hips tightly, his head resting against hers, breathing hard. Tauriel could hear herself moaning, louder and louder, until her whole body went rigid as she reached her peak, crying out in ecstasy, her inner muscles convulsing around him.

Then, Fíli followed her over the edge, biting her neck while spilling inside her. To Tauriel it felt strange as his hot seed flooded her passage; she never had had sex without a condom before. But in order to create a child it was necessary.

Fíli loosened his grip on her hips, slipping out of her, breathing hard, then collapsing on the bed.

“You look stunningly beautiful when you come,” Kíli whispered, pulling her close, kissing her passionately. He sat down on the bed, cross-legged, still holding and kissing her while pulling her onto his lap.

She could feel his erection pressing against her entrance, then he was lowering her down, slowly guiding himself inside. Although he was as well endowed as his brother, she didn't feel any pain this time, maybe because she was still stretched from Fíli's cock, her passage well slicked by his seed and her own juices. Yet she was overly sensitive after her orgasm, hinting at her being sore tomorrow.

They both moaned when he was buried deep within her.

Then she started moving her hips while wrapping her arms tightly around him. Kíli buried his face between her shoulder and her neck, grabbing her hips, supporting her movements. It didn't take long for him to find his release, moaning her name. By now she was already used to the feeling of seed flooding her insides, even welcoming the sensation.

Afterwards, Tauriel just hold him, stroking his back, kissing his hair, still sitting in his lap, feeling him inside her, until he finally mumbled, “I'm totally in love with you, Tauriel.” She flinched. He wasn't supposed to say something like that. “No, Kíli, no!” she stated, lifting herself from his lap, letting him slip out of her with a squishing sound, breaking skin contact, putting some distance between them.

He looked devastated. “But this is how I feel for you. I'm not afraid to admit it. It wasn't planned, it just happened.” Tauriel shook her head, backing away from him, until she felt a strong pair of arms grabbing her from behind. Fíli. “Hey, careful! Do you want to fall off the bed?” he asked. He was right. Only a couple of inches separated her from the edge. Furiously, she turned around in his arms. “Did you know that?”

Fíli looked uncomfortable. “Well, he told me, of course, I'm his brother. And... I think I'm in love with you too.” Tauriel pushed him away from her, climbing off the bed. And here she stood in her room, naked and confused, looking crossly at the brothers on her bed, while their seed trickled out of her, mixed with her own juices, down the insides of her thighs, leaving a sticky feeling. Then she buried her face in her hands and started crying.

In an instant the brothers were beside her, taking her into their arms, comforting her. “It's okay, Tauriel, we don't mind that you don't feel the same for us, we can cope. We are big boys!” Kíli whispered, kissing her temple while Fíli rubbed her back. “As I already said when we first met, we don't expect anything from you, except from being the mother of our child,” he reassured her.

But if she was honest with herself, she didn't really know how she felt about them anymore. Yes, she liked them. A lot. Otherwise it would have been difficult for her to have sex with them. And then the sex tonight, it had been mind-blowing, the best sex in her whole life so far. But was she really in love with them, as in a romantic way? Like they claimed to be with her? And if she was, wouldn't that ruin everything, considering her track record concerning romantic relationships?

“It's not that, it is because it makes everything more complicated,” she explained some time later, still sobbing, but wiping away her tears already, finally calming down. “Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?” Kíli commented. “I think it would be more complicated if we didn't care for you at all, if you were just like a broodmare for us,” Fíli explained while leading her over to her bed, helping her to climb inside, joining her.

Kíli let go of her for a moment so that he could walk around her bed, lying down on her other side. Again, she was sandwiched between them, but this time, Fíli was pressed to her front, facing her, while Kíli spooned up behind her, both of them wrapping their arms around her. She felt safe, safe and loved. And now, while she was lying in her bed, she noticed how exhausted she was, emotionally and physically.

 


	11. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When Tauriel woke up the next morning, they were still holding her."  
> The new day starts with another round of lovemaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut, yay! Enjoy.  
> Unbetaed.

When Tauriel woke up the next morning, they were still holding her.

Of course, at some point during the night, each of them had gone to the bathroom to clean up, but immediately seeking the closeness, the skin contact, afterwards. Somehow, her legs got entangled with Fíli's, her fingers entwined with Kíli's. Happily, she smiled to herself, although she really was sore (which was nothing unusual, doing it twice after living celibate for five years).

Then she noticed she wasn't the only one being awake. “Hey, Beautiful, you alright?” Fíli asked. Tauriel's smile broadened. “Yeah, and you?” Fíli looked fondly at her. “Never been better!” He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, then going for a real kiss. The kiss soon became heated, his fingers running through her hair, his erection pressing against her stomach.

She knew they would couple again.

Thus, she rolled onto her back, barely registering that Kíli had woken up as well. Propped up on his elbow he was looking at them with longing and passion in his eyes. Tauriel spread her legs and Fíli settled between them, positioning at her entrance, supporting his weight on his hands, looking deep into her eyes, questioningly. She knew he asked for her permisson.

Tauriel nodded.

And then he slowly and carefully pushed inside, stretching her, filling her.

It felt as good as it did last night. Tauriel's hands wandered over his back, down to his buttocks, kneading his flesh, urging him on. But she could feel that he was restraining himself, maybe afraid to hurt her. “It's okay, Fíli, sometimes I like it rough, just let go,” she whispered. He didn't need to be told twice, thrusting in harder, deeper, increasing in speed, until she was no longer only moaning but screaming out her lust, shocking herself with that, her body covered in sweat. When she started rhythmically clenching around him on purpose (she knew from experience that it drove guys crazy), he found his release, spilling inside her, prompting her own orgasm.

Afterwards he collapsed on top of her, kissing her, catching his breath. When he finally got off, Kíli took his place, caressing and kissing every inch of her skin, worshipping her, her breasts, her belly, her thighs, between her thighs, alternately licking up her folds and sucking at her clit, dipping his tongue into her entrance and teasing her sensitive nub with it. Tauriel moaned deeply in her throat, arching her back, her hands buried in his hair. Then she climaxed, his name on her lips.

While she was still shuddering with the afterschocks of her orgasm, Kíli crawled up her body, settling between her legs, guiding himself inside, then entwining their fingers and placing their hands next to her head, looking into her eyes, “I'd like to make slowly love to you,” he whispered and did just that, with a lot of kisses and gentle caresses, until they reached their peak together.

By now, it was clear to her that this was no longer only about becoming pregnant. She was falling for them. And somehow this thought didn't frighten her at all anymore.

Later, after they had recovered from their activities, they decided that they needed to clean up again and to change the bedsheets. “Go, have a shower, Kíli and I will take care of your bed,” Fíli reassured her. And when she nodded, he asked, “Where do you keep your bedlinen?” Tauriel showed them. They didn't need to put on any clothes because Legolas wasn't home, having spent the night with Gimli.

When she came out of the bathroom, now smelling of body wash and shampoo, not of sweat and sex like before, wrapped in a big, baby blue, fluffy towel, she was happy to see that the brothers, meanwhile in their boxers, stayed true to their word, they had even found a matching blanket to the bedclothes – though the blanket actually belonged to Legolas. But she didn't tell them.

“Wow, you two are awesome,” she admitted, and, feeling bold, she added, “Not only in bed!” Both of them stared unbelievingly at her, then looked at each other, before turning back towards her. “Well, thank you! I think we couldn't have been any good without the right inspiration, like you,” Fíli answered.

Tauriel blushed. She had never been someone who really needed sex. Of course, she had been curious when she was younger, and of course she knew that sex was an integral part of almost every romantic relationship between adults, but she could live without it, had lived without it the last couple of years, sometimes even wondering if she was actually asexual.

Until she met them. After last night and this morning, she was convinced that she definitely liked sex, at least sex with Fíli and Kíli.

“So, you being here means the bathroom is free, right?” Kíli finally asked. Tauriel rolled her eyes. “Of course no one else is here except from us.” Kíli smiled impishly. “Great, then it's my turn to shower now!” Saying said, he stormed out of the room. Fíli sighed. “Or in other words: Fíli, go make breakfast! Honestly, I'm still waiting for the day when I can use the bathroom first.” Tauriel chuckled while starting to brush out her long, red hair, inspecting her reflection in the mirror of her antique vanity. There was a love bite visible on the side of her neck (though she didn't remember who left it and when) and dark circles beneath her eyes (hinting at her lack of sleep), but otherwise she found that she looked more relaxed, even glowing from the inside. “It would appear sharing a bathroom with him is more difficult for you than sharing a girlfriend.”

Noticing what she just said, she froze, waiting for his reaction. Fíli studied her reflection, then he asked tentatively, “Do you want to be that? Our girlfriend?” Tauriel closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. Then she nodded. “Yes,” she answered quietly. He crossed the room to take her into his arms, kissing her deeply. “That's wonderful, Tauriel, really. Kíli will be totally over the moon.”

He kissed her again, then he took the hairbrush from her, gesturing towards her hair. “May I?” he inquired. Tauriel nodded again. And then he started brushing her hair, being astonishingly gentle. It felt rather intimate, letting someone else brush her hair. Except from her parents, her brother and admittingly her friend Arwen (when she was younger, of course), no one else had ever done that.

Then, Kíli came back, a white towel wrapped around his hips, his hair dropping wet and curly. “Hey, just a question, does your brother share you peach shampoo and coconut body wash? Because I couldn't find anything else...” Tauriel bit her lip in order to avoid laughing. “Of course not, Legolas has his own, more neutral smelling stuff. But since he spent the night at Gimli's, I'm afraid he took it with him, just in case.” She looked apologetically at him.

Kíli looked confused. “Why would he do that? Does he think that Gimli doesn't have anything to shower or what?” Tauriel, still amused, shook her head. “No, it's just the way he is. He doesn't like to use other people's products because they might not be good for his skin type or on his hair.” Kíli rolled his eyes. “Well, great, now I have to explain to people why I smell like a girl, only because your brother is paranoid. If this would have been an all girls' household I would have brought our stuff, but Fíli assured me that we could certainly use your brother's things.”

Tauriel smiled sweetly and gestured for him to come over to her, which he did. She took him into her arms and kissed his lips. “I think you smell good like that,” she explained. Then, after another kiss, she added, “Of course, you can always tell people that you smell like a girl because you spend the night at your girlfriend's place.” Kíli needed a moment to understand her properly. “Does that mean what I think it means? That you are my – our! – girlfriend?” Tauriel nodded, looking into his big brown eyes. “Yes!” Kíli exclaimed, lifting her up, spinning her around. Then he kissed her passionately.

But before the kiss could lead to more, she broke it, then turned to Fíli. “Of course, Legolas always has one or two bottles of shampoo and body wash in store, again, just in case. It could always be sold out when he needs it. I'll put it in the shower for you.” Fíli nodded. “Thank you, that's very nice. Now, I at least won't smell like peach and coconut!” Kíli huffed. “Great, next time I let him shower first. Would have served him right if he had to use your products.” Tauriel simply smiled, took his face into her hands, kissed him tenderly, then said, “Maybe next time. Now let's get dressed and start breakfast – after I hand your brother my brother's spare products, of course!” Kíli rolled his eyes.

 

 

 


	12. Good News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel suspects that she is pregnant and can't wait to let Fíli and Kíli know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, this chapter contains smut as well.  
> I hope you like it!  
> Unbetaed.

Tauriel looked unbelievingly at her calendar. She was about two weeks late, meaning that there was the possibility of her being pregnant, especially because she hadn't been this late since she was sixteen or seventeen.

Of course, she couldn't know for sure without doing a pregnancy test first. And naturally she didn't have one at home. Her first impulse was to go to the drugstore to buy one, it was Saturday so she didn't have to teach today and could do it right now, but then she thought that maybe Fíli and Kíli would like to do that together with her, they were the fathers (or, rather one was the father and the other the uncle) after all. And since the two wanted to come over to her place later that afternoon (she had met the brothers more or less regularly since Valentine's day), she could tell them about her suspicion and they could then go together to the drugstore.

So Tauriel went about her day, tidying up the apartment, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, doing some laundry, then she took a shower and waited for Fíli and Kíli to arrive. Fortunately, they would have the apartment to themselves again (after breakfast Legolas had explained that he would first go over to his atelier at their father's house, getting some work done, and then spend the rest of the day and the night with Gimli).

At about four o'clock the brothers rang the bell and Tauriel let them in, embracing both of them at the same time, kissing them enthusiastically, dragging them into her home. “Wow, that's a nice welcome. Maybe we should always spend three days apart if it leads to this,” Kíli commented her rather unusual behaviour. Yes, of course she had missed them, but due to her job and theirs it hadn't been possible to meet before Saturday. Yet, her excitement had more to do with her potential pregnancy. But she didn't tell them right away, enjoying the feeling of their hands on her body, their lips on her skin.

And she could tell that Fíli and Kíli were enjoying her touch as well, undressing her right there in the living room, cupping her breasts, pressing their groins against her stomach so that she could feel their arousal. She was sure they wouldn't make it to the bedroom this time (and she was grateful that her brother wasn't home).

So, with a lot of kisses and caresses they sank down on the couch, removing the rest of her clothes, shedding their own, letting their lips wander down her throat to her breasts until each brother was sucking and licking one of her nipples. It was an overwhelming sensation, so Tauriel simply closed her eyes, moaning loudly, one of her hands messing up Fíli's long, blond curls, the other Kíli's slightly shorter, dark ones.

Then they let their lips wander lower, over her belly and her thighs, until one of the brothers parted her legs (sneaking a peek she could see that it was Kíli), kneeling between them, pausing. She let out a frustrated growl, causing both men to chuckle and Fíli to comment, “Impatient, aren't we?” He crawled up her body again, latching onto her right teat, while his hand was kneading her other breast, teasing its nipple with his thumb.

Finally she could feel Kíli's hot breath ghosting over her wet folds while his hands lifted her legs, placing her thighs on his shoulders, before he started to pleasure her with his mouth, using his lips and tongue, driving her crazy, causing her to scream out her lust, her body covered in sweat.

Her hands were grabbing handfuls of their hair now, lightly pulling, while her hips were bucking up in rhythm with Kíli's ministrations and then she climaxed, her whole body going rigid, her hips lifting from the couch, while the brothers still held her.

When she was shuddering with aftershocks, they slowed down their licking and sucking, crawling up her body, kissing her mouth, first Fíli, then Kíli (and she could taste herself on his lips), gently stroking her flanks, her stomach, her thighs while she was still catching her breath.

“Wow” was all she could say and especially Kíli looked smug. “I thought you would like that, I still remembered your reaction from the last time I pleasured you like this.” And to his brother, he added, “She tastes wonderful, Fíli, especially pure like today, without the flavour of your cum mixed into it!” While Tauriel blushed (remembering that the last time Kíli had done this to her was right after she and Fíli had coupled), the brothers laughed. “Well, you didn't have to eat her out after I had come inside of her,” Fíli responded, winking at her. Then he whispered. “I'd like to taste you too. Is that okay? Or do you need more time to recover?”

Instinctively, Tauriel shook her head, spreading her legs. Fíli smiled, then kissed her lips. “Great! Just lean back and enjoy then,” he said before kissing down her body until he reached his goal. In the meantime, Kíli's mouth was busy on her neck and her breasts, kissing, biting, teasing. It felt so good what they did to her, better than any other sexual experience she had had before, and it didn't take her long to reach her peak again.

“You're right, Kíli,” Fíli mumbled afterwards, his head resting on her thigh, “she tastes sweet and spicey, better than any delicacy I have ever eaten.” And with one last kiss to the inside of her thigh, he sat down next to her, on her right, while Kíli occupied the space on her left, their arms firmly wrapped around her waist, their heads resting against her shoulders while she could still feel their arousals pressing against her hips. Whereas she already had two orgasms, they had none so far. Time for her to change that. So she stirred, freeing herself from their embrace, whispering, “Let me do something for you now!”

Saying that she slid down from the couch, kneeling on the floor between them, touching their cocks with each of her hands. They moaned simultaneously. Of course, she could give them a hand job (something she considered herself being good at – after being told so – since she had had her first real boyfriend at the age of fifteen), but today she wanted to try out something new. Although she had been several times on the receiving end of oral sex, she had never before given a guy a blow job, just because the idea of taking a man's cock into her mouth had always seemed a little bit disgusting to her.

But with Fíli and Kíli it was different. She wanted to taste them as much as they had wanted to taste her. She already loved the way they smelled, Kíli like licorice and leather, Fíli like caramel and coffee, and from her friends Arwen and Eówyn she knew that a man's flavour was strongest on his cock.

And she had to admit that they were right as she took Kíli's into her mouth, her tongue caressing the backside of his shaft while she was moving her head up and down, teasing the tip from time to time (she had read and watched enough porn to know how to do this), tasting precum, softly stroking his thigh with one hand while her other hand was gently caressing Fíli's cock, not fast enough to make him come, but intensely enough to keep him entertained while her main focus was on Kíli's pleasure.

She could feel one of Kíli's hands in her hair, one of Fíli's pressing into her shoulder while they clasped each other's free hands, their fingers entwined, something she found unusual but arousing at the same time. As arousing as hearing them gasp and moan her name.

While she was moving her mouth faster and faster up and down his shaft, Kíli's grip on her hair tightened. “Tauriel, stop, or I'll come,” he was able to say, prompting her to let his cock slip from her lips, searching his eyes. “Good, then come,” she simply answered with a smug smile, winking at him, before resuming her efforts.

It didn't take him long to peak, his hips jerking off the couch, his hand slightly pulling her hair, moaning deeply while she could feel his cock pulsing in her mouth and then taste his hot seed on her tongue. It was bitter and salty but also somehow purely Kíli so she swallowed everything, licking him clean.

He loosened his grip on her hair, tenderly running his fingers through it, smiling down at her. “I love you, Tauriel” he whispered before taking her free hand into his, pulling her up, embracing her tightly and kissing her deeply while her other hand was still wrapped around his brother's cock, pausing.

Fíli cleared his throat. “Erm, do you plan to continue or shall I take care of my own needs?” he asked. Tauriel kissed Kíli one last time, pushing his hair behind his ears, then she focused on Fíli, kissing down his hairy chest and stomach until her lips brushed against the tip of his cock. “You're amazing, do you know that?” he whispered as she took him into her mouth while his free hand was caressing her neck and her back (the other still clasped in Kíli's). She repeated with Fíli what she had already performed on Kíli until he also spilled into her mouth. His essence tasted similar (bitter and salty) but also different (something that was uniquely Fíli) and again she swallowed what he had to give her, until his flaccid cock slipped from her lips.

Afterwards she rested her head on his thigh, looking up at him from heavy-lidded eyes and he helped her to get up from the floor, so that she could occupy again her place between the brothers. Then he pressed their foreheads together, looking deeply into her eyes and although he didn't say it (unlike Kíli) she could see the love and affection he had for her in his gaze.

“Wow, that was unexpected,” Kíli finally said, chuckling, grabbing her hand, entwining their fingers. Fíli agreed. “Yeah, how did we earn that rather special treat?” Tauriel bit her lip, smiling. Then she reached over Fíli's lap to take his hand into hers, noticing that the brothers were still clasping each other's hands. Now all three of them were holding hands, a perfect setting for what she was about to tell them.

“I think I'm pregnant,” she finally said, smiling, looking from one brother to the other. They needed a moment to digest her good news. “Are you sure?” Fíli asked breathlessly. Tauriel shrugged. “Well, not really, I didn't do a test or anything, it's just that I'm about two weeks late and this didn't happen since I was a teenager!”

Kíli laughed happily, hugging her tightly. “It would be fantastic if you were! When will you know for sure?” She told them about her plan to buy a pregnancy test together with them tonight which she then could do the next morning. Fíli and Kíli liked the idea.

 


	13. Expecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel is finally doing a pregnancy test. While waiting for the results she is contemplating her life and her situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read, enjoy and leave a comment, a kudo or both!  
> Unbetaed.

Five minutes.

Tauriel was sitting on the edge of her bathtub, looking nervously at her watch, wearing an oversized t-shirt which belonged to one of the brothers (though she didn't know which one). In five minutes she would find out whether she was really pregnant. It would be the longest five minutes of her life.

Again and again, her eyes wandered over to the test stick which was lying on the shelf next to the basin. It would be no use to look at it now. The result wouldn't be visible. Her thoughts were running wild, contemplating how her life had changed over the last few months, since she decided to join the website, since she met Fíli and Kíli. Four minutes.

She could hear the brothers clattering with pans and dishes in the kitchen, talking excitedly, laughing. They had promised to make breakfast while she was doing the test, keeping themselves occupied. Maybe she should have joined them after peeing on the test stick. But she felt that she needed some time alone with herself and her thoughts. Three minutes.

Of course, she had read the instructions carefully before doing the test, over and over again, but since she hadn't anything else to do now, she read them once more, making sure to not miss something important, to be able to read the test results correctly when the time was up. Two minutes.

Tauriel couldn't help being anxious. She had to be pregnant. Why else would she be missing her period? Admittedly, her job had been very stressful recently (this could be another reason), her workload more than usual because she had to take over classes for a colleague on sick leave. And then, some other colleagues were giving her a hard time... Last minute.

Tauriel suddenly remembered the terrible woman in the drugstore the night before when they were buying the pregnancy test, the woman who was openly condemning her and her relationship with Fíli and Kíli. Maybe they shouldn't have been that obvious, the brothers showing their affection for her publicly. But that was what people in love did and she didn't want to hide what they had. Yes, their relationship was unconventional, but they weren't hurting anyone. So it was nobody else's business! Time was up.

Tauriel took a deep breath, her eyes fixed on the test stick (interestingly enough, she had placed it next to the little bag containing her menstrual cup, which she hopefully wouldn't need for quite a while) then she stood up. With shaking hands, she lifted the test, looking at the control line and the test line. Two blue stripes. Positive. It was positive! She was overwhelmed with joy. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she could feel her stomach doing sommersaults. Yes, she was pregnant! Time to tell the boys.

So, pregnancy test in hand, bare feeted, wearing nothing but her knickers and a t-shirt, her hair a mess, she entered the kitchen. Fíli and Kíli, only wearing boxers, stopped talking, looking expectantly at her. She tried to keep her expression neutral, just lifting the pregnancy test. “It's positive. I'm pregnant!” she exclaimed. Fíli immediately closed his eyes and smiled contently, Kíli, however, rushed over to her, taking her into his arms, kissing her passionately. “That's so great, Tauriel, I'm on cloud nine, I could make love to you right now, just for this reason.”

Tauriel lifted an eyebrow. “Again?”

Fíli chuckled. “Yeah, give her a break. How many times did you two do it last night? Two? Three? I lost count after my turn, being too tired to...” He was interrupted by Kíli. “It was only two times... but I gave her three orgasms!” While Kíli looked self-complacent at his brother, Tauriel blushed and cleared her throat. “Well, let's just say you showed me how much you love me and my then non-confirmed condition, Kíli. You know, I really enjoy making love to you, but I actually could use a break, like Fíli suggested...”

Kíli frowned. “Did I tire you out, then? Or... did I even hurt you?” He looked worried. Tauriel smiled affectionately, kissing his nose. “No, you didn't hurt me. But I fear I'm lacking your stamina. And I'm a little bit sore. Last night was really enough for me!” Kíli closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to hers. “Well, it is also enough for me, then!” They kissed. Afterwards, Tauriel reached out for Fíli, embracing and kissing him as well.

They remained like this for some time, holding each other close, then Kíli finally asked, “When will we find out whether it's a boy or a girl?”

Fíli rolled his eyes. “Honestly, have you forgotten everything about mama's pregnancy with Frodo?” Kíli growled. “No, not everything. But some details might have slipped my mind.” Fíli and Tauriel exchanged a look. “It will take a while,” Tauriel said and Fíli nodded. “Yeah, in mama's case, the doctor only was certain that Frodo would be a boy when she was twenty weeks pregnant!” Kíli's eyes widened. “Are you sure? Did it really take that long?” Fíli nodded again, but Tauriel had other information. “I've read somewhere that it is already possible in week seventeen. But, of course, sometimes it is even not possible for the doctors to tell it or they don't want to tell it. Why do you ask? Is it so important for you whether we are having a boy or a girl?”

Kíli looked sheepishly at her. “Well, I had a dream last night... Fíli, stop grinning! I **did** get some sleep after all... well, in this dream I saw a little boy...” He shrugged. Fíli however frowned. “A boy? Really? Aren't there already enough boys in our family? I think it's a girl this time. Tauriel, you are the mother. What do you think?” She sighed, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Finally a smile spread across her face. “A girl”, she simply stated.

She didn't know why she felt like this, but somehow she was convinced that she would be having a little girl, with her red hair and Kíli's brown or Fíli's blue eyes (and it didn't matter to her who actually the father of her child was, knowing full well that Fíli would love Kíli's child like his own as Kíli would love Fíli's child like his own).

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all my loyal readers for reading this story.  
> I'm always happy when you leave a kudo or a comment, when you share your thoughts, ask questions or make suggestions.  
> Again, thank you very much!


	14. Morning Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel experiences a bout of morning sickness and gets a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the beginning of this chapter was inspired by me throwing up all morning.  
> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated (as always).  
> Unbetaed.

Tauriel asked herself why they called it mornig sickness when she experienced it almost all day long.

It was her lunch break and she was emptying her stomach into the toilet pan. Again. She already had had to vomit after getting up this morning and then, after she had arrived at school.

She was now about eight weeks pregnant and this afternoon she would have her first ultrasound! Of course, when she made the appointment, she totally forgot about the staff meeting after classes, but since the doctor advised her to do the first ultrasound between week six and eight (after the positive pregnancy test she already went to her gynaecologist for a blood test which confirmed that she was indeed pregnant), she was glad that it was possible for her to get this appointment on short notice.

Some of her colleagues, however, were not. When she told the headmaster about her dilemma, he was very understanding, reassuring her (after congratulating her) that her and her baby's health were the first priority. So, she was allowed to not go to the staff meeting but to her doctor's appointment.

But she didn't want her colleagues to know about her pregnancy this early and some of them openly wondered why she didn't have to attend the meeting whereas they had to.

Tauriel didn't care.

She would meet Fíli and Kíli at the gynaecologist since they wanted to be there as well. But before she could go to her car, she had to visit the bathroom again, retching dryly since her stomach was still empty (she hadn't tried to eat again since breakfast, only drinking some herbal tea, fearing that she wouldn't be able to keep any food down).

And then, when she left the building, a surprise was in store for her. Kíli!

He was waiting in front of the building, his hands behind his back, grinning like a Cheshire Cat when he spotted her. “Hey, Tauriel!” he called for her. She hadn't been expecting him. “Hi, what are you doing here?” she asked. Kíli simply shrugged his shoulders, then kissed her tenderly, before pressing something into her hands. It was a small yellow box with a blue ribbon tied around it. Astonished, she smiled at him, raising an eyebrow. “For me? Why?” Kíli shrugged again, simply saying, “Open it. Then you'll know!” So, with shaking hands Tauriel untied the ribbon, lifting the top of the box. Inside, there was a small, light blue plush bunny. “Oh, Kíli, that's so sweet,” she whispered, embracing him tightly. Kíli giggled. “I'm glad you like it! But actually it's for the little one. I asked in the toy shop whether they had something for newborns. They showed me several plushies. I liked the bunny best,” he explained.

She broke the embrace, again looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “But why is it blue?” she asked. He smiled smugly at her. “Remember my dream? I'm sure it's a boy!” Tauriel smiled back, before kissing him. “Well, we'll see about that... Fíli and I feel that it's a girl... by the way, where is he?” Kíli shrugged. “Maybe already waiting for us at the gynaecologist, or in front of the building. I asked him to drop me here so that I can surprise you!” Tauriel closed the box again, then she used her free hand to let her fingers run through his blackish-brown, wavy hair, untangling a few strands.

“That you accomplished indeed! But let's go now, I don't want to be late for my appointment. After all, it will be the first time we can see our baby!” Kíli kissed her one last time before taking her hand into his, leading her over to her car. Luckily, it was only a ten-minute drive and they immediately found free parking space.

Fíli was indeed waiting for them in front of the building. “Finally! Do you know how many women sent me suspicious or angry glances before going inside or after coming out because I'm standing here? They surely think I'm a creep and have bad intentions!” Kíli rolled his eyes, but Tauriel smiled sympathetically at him. “I'm sorry. But you could have just waited with Kíli...” Fíli shook his head. “Nay, I felt that it was something he had to do alone, being his idea to buy something and all, and besides, I don't have anything for you, so...” He just shrugged.

Tauriel embraced him as well. “It's okay. Though a pink counterpart to support our assumption would have been nice!” Fíli chuckeld before kissing her. “Shall we go inside now?” he asked. Tauriel nodded. Fíli wrapped his arm around her shoulders while Kíli took her hand. They entered the surgery like this, heading straight for the reception.

The receptionist was on the phone, so they had to wait until Tauriel could announce that she was here for her appointment. Of course, they had to go to the waiting room first. And, of course, Fíli and Kíli were the only men there. When they sat down, Fíli on her right, Kíli on her left, Tauriel noticed that the other women (a young mother with a toddler on her lap and a pale, pregnant teenager) sent them curious glances.

Tauriel didn't care.

She was so excited! Smiling to herself, she absentmindedly placed a hand on her still flat belly. Soon it would be as round as the teenager's. “How far?” the young mother suddenly asked. Tauriel looked up. “Excuse me?” The woman smiled. “How far into the pregnancy are you?” she asked again. Tauriel was surprised. “How do you know...” The woman pointed to Tauriel's hand, still placed on her lower abdomen. “The gesture, it's typical. And you have that certain glow about you...” Tauriel smiled back. “Oh, well, it must be about eight weeks.” The woman just nodded, saying “Congratulations, then!” Tauriel thanked the woman, happy about the fact that she didn't ask her about her relationship to Fíli (whose arm was still wrapped around her shoulders) and Kíli (who was still holding her hand).

Then, the teenager was called by a nurse and led to one of the different surgeries. Ten minutes later, the young mother was also called by the same nurse and was told to leave her child in the waiting room to play with the toys in one corner of the room, but looked unsure about this arrangement. “We'll have an eye on him,” Tauriel promised and the woman smiled thankfully at her. “See? That's another omen for our little one being a boy!” Kíli said triumphantly. Fíli and Tauriel exchanged a look. “Didn't know you were supersticious, little brother,” Fíli commented. Kíli stuck out his tongue, but didn't respond.

Tauriel ignored their banter, watching the toddler. He was a sweet little thing, about two years old with dark-blond curls and grey-blue eyes, wearing a white shirt and blue dungarees, building a small tower from toy blocks. Every time the tower reached a certain height, it collapsed, causing the little boy to make a frustrated sound. Tauriel smiled. Soon they could watch their own child building towers with toy blocks, no matter whether it would be a boy or a girl. Finally, Kíli took pity on him, helping him to build the tower (and this time it didn't collapse on its own, only when the boy destroyed it on purpose laughing happily).

Then the mother came back, thanking them for watching over Benny (that was the boy's name) and it was Tauriel's turn to be led to the surgery. The nurse looked confused when both Fíli and Kíli followed Tauriel, but remained quiet.

Tauriel was thankful for that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's sad to read since we are all aware that this is about Tauriel's first pregnancy which ended with her miscarriage.  
> I'll be out of town again and don't know whether I will have internet, so the next updates of my stories might take some time.


	15. Past and Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel, Fíli and Kíli are lying in bed and talking about their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It still takes place during Tauriel's first pregnancy.  
> Nevertheless, enjoy!  
> As always, unbetaed.

It was late at night and the three of them were lying on her bed, talking quietly, Kíli on her left, Fíli on her right, both of them caressing her naked, but still flat belly. They had made love to her earlier that evening, tenderly, carefully, both of them, minding the child she was carrying. The ultrasound image of their little one was lying on her bedside table, together with the light blue plush bunny Kíli had given her for their child.

“I can't wait to see your middle expanding because our baby is growing inside you”, Kíli finally whispered and leant down to press a kiss to her stomach. Tauriel groaned. “Oh, please, don't remind me of that! I remember pictures of my pregnant mother. She looked as if she had doubled her weight!”

Fíli chuckled. “Well, if I remember correctly, she had two babies growing inside of her, you and your brother, didn't she?” Tauriel nodded. After pressing one final kiss to her abdomen, Kíli propped himself up on his elbow so that he could look at her face, despite it being half-dark in the room. “You seldom talk about your mother and father or your childhood with them. Only about Legolas and yourself. Why?”

Tauriel shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe because my happy childhood and the illusion of a perfect family ended the summer after Legolas and I turned eighteen.” For a moment they fell silent, Tauriel thinking about what once had been and the brothers were probably contemplating her confession. “What happened?” Fíli finally asked in a calm and serious tone.

Tauriel sighed. “My parents sat me and Legolas down one evening when we came home – we had been on a shopping tour with our friends, Arwen and Aragorn. I remember it as if it happened yesterday, Arwen wanted that her then boyfriend, now husband, bought some new clothes to look more presentable, and for Legolas it was fun, of course, to choose one outfit after the other for his best friend. It was a warm and sunny day and we were having so much fun! After shopping we all went for an ice-cream, Arwen's treat. I can tell you that for me and Legolas it was a perfect summer day.”

She paused and was grateful that the brothers didn't press her, just showing their support by kissing her shoulder (Kíli) or stomach (Fíli, this time). Taking a deep breath, she continued.

“When we came home, we saw several suitcases and bags in the corridor and thought that maybe mother or father or both had to go on a business trip. But then we saw father's red-rimmed eyes and mother's guilty expression.” Tauriel felt tears welling up in her own eyes, but ignored them. “Mother explained that there had been a job offer in Paris, France, at a local art school and she didn't want to let that opportunity slip. After teaching arts at the local college in our town for years it must have sounded like paradise to her!” Tauriel laughed humourlessly and could feel her unshed tears rolling down her cheeks (she had never cried about her mother leaving, then, unlike Legolas). Angrily, she wiped the tears away.

“But that wasn't the real reason, was it”, Fíli concluded, taking her hand in his, kissing her tears away from her right cheek. After a moment of hesitation, Kíli followed his example with her left hand and on her left cheek. Tauriel shook her head. “No, there was more to it. But I only found out later.” She couldn't prevent herself from sobbing. “It's okay, you don't have to talk about it if it hurts you that much”, Kíli (sweet, tender Kíli) whispered, pressing her hand compassionately.

Tauriel shook her head again. “I know. But I need to talk about it! I never have, you know, not with Legolas, nor with my friends...” Fíli put his fingers under her chin, forcing her gently to look at him. “Why don't you start from the beginning, hm? I always find it easier to do it like that.” After searching his eyes for a hidden meaning (and not finding one), she nodded. In the meantime, Kíli had rested his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat, something he liked, as she knew. Fíli, however, gestured for her to put her head on his shoulder, which she did. It was perfect like that. Fíli was someone to rely on, while Kíli never held back with his emotions. Maybe that was the reason why she couldn't be happy with her former boyfriends. Something had been missing.

But she didn't want to think about her past relationships.

The brothers needed an answer why she was who she was. And to be honest, her family history had a lot to do with it. So she started from the beginning, like Fíli (brave, strong Fíli) suggested.

“Our parents were quite young when Legolas and I were born, our mother just eighteen, our father only sixteen.” Kíli gasped. “Wow, that's really young! How did they meet? And why did they have you so young?” Tauriel smiled. “Well, I think Legolas and I weren't really planned. Our parents met at a Halloween party, fell in love with each other and about seven months and two weeks later my brother and I were born.”

Fíli snorted. “About seven months and two weeks? Doesn't a pregnancy normally last nine months?” Tauriel giggled. “Yes, but we were born prematurely, it had something to do with mother being so young and us being twins.” Then she became serious. “Of course, our grandfather, father's father, didn't believe my mother, claimed that she had already been pregnant when she met my father, which, in turn made my grandmother, mother's mother, furious (mother had explained to her that she had been a virgin before she had met our father). In the end they agreed on a prenatal paternity test – a so-called invasive test – with the result that father's paternity was proven.”

Fíli and Kíli looked at each other. “That's an interesting story. What happened then?” Kíli asked. Tauriel hesitated. “Grandfather demanded that father had to set his own wrongs right and threw him out with the insistence that he married our mother, which in turn made grandmother happy. So he moved in with mother, they got married and lived happily ever after... until Legolas and I turned eighteen.”

Fíli looked sypathetically at her. “You said that your parents are not divorced but that your mother moved away? Did she fall in love with another man?” Tauriel shook her head. “No, she didn't, at least not then, she only met Miguel, her current partner, when she turned forty, four years after she had moved to Paris.” Kíli drew his eyebrows together. “But why did your parents split up then?”

Tauriel shrugged. “Mother hinted at father being... not faithful. But it wasn't with another woman, as far as I know. She was really vague. But I remember her saying that our father actually preferred men. But of course, since they had been that young when falling in love, he didn't really know about it then. And despite everything I'm sure that my father loved my mother then and still loves her now. But I think that mother never really had time to figure out what she wanted from life – being a mother and a wife at an age when other girls go to parties, do crazy things, are carefree. But she assured me that she never, not even for a second, regretted that she had us.”

Kíli smiled impishly at her while kissing the spot above her heart, between her slightly bigger breasts. “And now your parents will become grandparents!” Tauriel smiled back, letting her fingers run through his hair. “Yes they will – as will your parents!” She bit her lip, contemplating what she already knew about Fíli's and Kíli's parents. Of course, she knew their mother, Dís. And she remembered what Dís had told her about the brothers' fathers – which wasn't much, only that they had different fathers. “So, Fíli, Kíli, your mother mentioned that you two don't have the same father. But who are your fathers?”

The brothers looked at each other. Then, Fíli answered, “Well, we know their names and we have seen pictures, but we have never met them personally.” He glanced at Kíli, who shrugged. “When we registered on the website for sperm donors and co-parents and needed to know whether our fathers were genetically healthy, mama assured us that they were. And that was actually all we needed to know.” And Fíli added, “Living together with our uncles was enough for us, they really became father figures. And after uncle Frerin's death, Thorin totally took over that role.”

Yes, Tauriel could imagine that, remembering the tall, dark and sombre looking man and the way he interacted not only with Fíli and Kíli but also little Frodo. And for some reason she felt content. Her baby would have an unconventional but loving family. On both sides.

 


	16. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While doing some grocery shopping, Fíli, Kíli and Tauriel run into someone from Fíli's and Kíli's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed.

Tauriel hated grocery shopping.

It was a boring task to buy stuff that would sooner or later be consumed and thus needed to be replaced which then led to more grocery shopping. Like a vicious circle. Plus the adults in the supermarket were usually stressed out, the kids whiny. So there were things she would rather do on a Saturday morning. But Fíli and Kíli had promised their mother to buy the things she would need to cook a “substantial homemade dinner”, as she had called it, and Tauriel wanted to spent some time with the brothers.

Of course, the supermarket was crowded, as was typical for a Saturday morning. Tauriel started to regret her decision to accompany them. She should have followed Dís' advice to take a nap because she was really exhausted.

“Fíli, Kíli, hi, haven't seen you in ages. How are you, lads?” a drawling female voice called while they were pushing their shopping trolley through the fruit and vegetable section. The brothers froze, looking at each other with uneasiness. Tauriel frowned at them, then she turned towards the source of the voice.

It was a beautiful and tall woman with long, red, curly hair and killer curves. Except from her height and the killer curves, she could have been Tauriel's twin sister. Kíli cleared his throat, then he also turned towards the woman, smiling his typically bright smile. “Roxanne! Hey, what a coincidence! We thought you moved away. What happened? Wasn't the big city to your liking? Did you get homesick and missed good, old dullsville?”, he asked her.

The woman rolled her eyes. “Oh, don't ask, it's a long story. Let's just say that I've met someone in the city who happens to be from this area... We have decided to settle down here and therefore we have an appointment with an estate agent. I'm just running some errands while my fiancé visits with his family. So, what about you two? Still living with your mother and uncle?” The woman was curiously looking at Tauriel while asking that question.

Tauriel felt uncomfortable. The pregnancy was taking its toll on her body. Although her belly still appeared to be rather flat, she had noticed that her tight jeans didn't really fit her anymore around the waist, therefore she preferred wearing leggins (or sweat pants in her free time).

And then her hair! It was almost impossible to style it, so she mostly went for a high ponytail, a loose braid or a messy bun. But worst of all was the morning sickness which was rather an all day sickness. Due to the constant vomitting she had even lost a couple of pounds instead of gaining weight (although she was almost ten weeks pregnant). Furthermore, her skin was paler than usual, there were dark circles beneath her eyes and she experienced the occasional dizzy spells or headaches. That was the reason why Dís insisted that they came over for the weekend, so that she could take good care of her, cocker her.

The only advantages so far were her bigger breasts (she even needed to buy a new bra the other day) and Fíli's and Kíli's constant regard and devotion.

“Erm, no, actually not,” Fíli answered the woman's question. “We recently moved in with our girlfriend, Tauriel. So, let me introduce you... Roxanne, this is Tauriel Greenwood, our girlfriend. And Tauriel, this is Roxanne Leroux, our, well, erm...” He seemd to be at a loss for words and Tauriel could imagine what this woman had been to the brothers.

Roxanne helped him out, extending her hand towards Tauriel. “Let's just say a good old friend. It's nice to meet you, Tauriel, especially since you seemed to have been able to drag the lads away from their mother's apron strings to which they had been tied for years.” She smiled conspirationally at her, but somehow Tauriel felt some kind of resentment towards this woman.

And it wasn't because she was jealous.

Of course, she had reason to be, this woman looked awesome in her perfectly fitted, dark grey sheath dress with perfectly styled hair and make-up, black high heels, silver hoop earings, a matching bangle and her impressive engagement ring. Compared to that, Tauriel looked like shit on toast, wearing leggins, one of Fíli's loose-fitting college hoodies and trainers, her hair was pulled together in a messy bun and she wasn't wearing any make-up at all (after vomitting twice before breakfast and once more afterwards, she decided to not bother with her looks, being content to just take a hot shower, wash her face and brush her teeth).

Nevertheless, Tauriel faked a smile, shaking the woman's hand. “Nice to meet you too, Roxanne.” The woman studied her with a raised eyebrow for a moment, then she commented, “You look rather tired, my dear, I imagine the lads wouldn't let you get a lot of sleep, right? Oh, I remember vividly how exhausting they can be between the sheets...” Tauriel got the innuendo of her words, as did Fíli and Kíli. She could feel the brothers moving closer to her and while Fíli just cleared his throat, Kíli drew his eyebrows together and put his arm around her shoulders. “No, we take good care of her and treat her well because she is important to us, especially now when carrying our child. By the way, that's the reason she looks tired: her pregnancy.”

For a moment, surprise and envy were visible on the woman's face. Then she put back on her mask of false friendliness. “Oh, well, I think congratulations are in order, then. So, now I must leave you three to your grocery shopping because my fiancé is waiting for me and I promised to get some champagne for later. I'm sure we'll meet again on occasion! Goodbye, lads! Oh, and Tauriel!” Saying that, she headed for the spirits section.

“Well, that was interesting,”, Tauriel declared, freeing herself from Kíli's arm, starting to push the shopping trolley further through the fruits and vegetable section, crumpling up the shopping list in her right hand. “You're pissed, aren't you,” Kíli simply stated, following her, putting his hand on her arm. She shook it off. “Of course I am,” she hissed, stopping in her tracks to face him. “Do you have any idea how I feel right now? Running into your gorgeous looking ex-lover while I look and feel like death warmed up? Do you have any idea how hard this pregnancy is on me?” Kíli looked helplessly towards his brother.

Fíli sighed, joining them. “Hormones,” he mouthed at Kíli, then, he smiled at her, saying, “Well, to us you look beautiful, especially because you are with child. Our child! And Kíli was telling the truth. You are important to us, more than she ever was, more than any other girl we have dated. We love you, with body, heart and soul! And nothing will change that, no matter how many other ex-lovers we happen to meet again.”

Tauriel believed him. But there was something in his statement that caught her interest. “How many are there?”, she wanted to know.

“What?”, Fíli asked confused. Tauriel took a deep breath. “Ex-lovers. How many?” They had never talked about former relationships, for whatever reason. Maybe it was a mistake that they hadn't. Maybe it would be a mistake to do so. But she needed to know with how many women they had shared their bed (or how many women had taken them to theirs). Fíli and Kíli glanced at each other, seemingly communicating without words. Then, Kíli shrugged his shoulders, nodding slighty. Fíli sighed again.

“About six? Maybe more...” he admitted. "Maybe more?” Tauriel repeated slowly. Fíli shrugged. “It depends whether you just want to count the relationships or also a couple of one-night-stands...” Tauriel huffed and shook her head. “Oh, my god,” she whispered and started pushing the trolley again. She needed to get out of here.

“Hey, I don't understand your attitude right now. I know that you are upset about meeting Roxanne and I know that you are not well due to the pregnancy. But you must have certainly assumed that you were not our first lover," Fíli called after her.

Tauriel stopped, closing her eyes. Of course, considering the brothers' talent in bed, it had been clear to her that they had some experience. Surely more than her. But she had thought... Well, to be honest she hadn't thought about Fíli's and Kíli's former lovers at all. Until now.

The brothers approached her, tentatively reaching out to her. She let them touch her, feeling Kíli's hand on her lower back, Fíli's on her shoulder. “Everything okay again?” Fíli asked. Tauriel nodded.

“Yes,” she whispered. He smiled genuinely at her, then he took her face between his hands, pressing their foreheads together.

Afterwards, Kíli did the same. “It's true, you know, we love you more than anything else in the world... well, except from our child. Or each other. And mama. Oh, and...” Fíli cleared his throat. “It's okay, Ki, you should better shut up now. Before you'll ruin everything again.” That made Tauriel laugh. Because she coulndn't be angry with them, not for long. Because she loved them, more than she was ready to admit. For now.

“Okay, I say, let's finish the grocery shopping and go home, let's have some tea and watch a movie or whatever it is you want to do Tauriel,” Fíli suggested. Tauriel smiled at him. “Tea sounds good. Herbal tea. And we should talk. Really talk,” she said. And they would do so in privat. They had already entertained the people in the supermarket enough with their drama and it was time to speak about the skeletons in their closests.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading my stories, leaving kudos and/or comments.  
> Your support means the world to me.


	17. Skeletons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel and the brothers talk about former relationships and Tauriel can finally admit something she has been denying for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed.

When they came home from the grocery shopping, Fíli and Kíli helped their mother and Bilbo to store the food in the refridgerator and the pantry, while she headed upstairs to lie down and take a nap in Fíli's and Kíli's room (she really was tired). When she woke up, the brothers were sitting on the other bed, a tray with three tea cups (plus saucers) and a teapot as well as a plate with sandwiches were waiting on the nightstand next to the bed she had occupied.

They smiled fondly at her. “Hey, beautiful,” Kíli said as she opened her eyes. Tauriel stretched. “What time is it?”, she asked sleepily. “Lunch time”, Kíli answered, grinning from ear to ear. Saying that, he got up from the bed lifting the tray, unfolding the little legs attached to it and gesturing for her to sit up in bed, which she did. Then he placed the tray on the bed. “Bilbo made us some sandwiches when we told him and mama that you were not feeling well and that we would prefer to watch over you instaed of having lunch with the family. Mama made some herbal tea which should help you with your sickness. But she is worried, of course.” He poured the tea into the cups, handed one to his brother, placed a second one on the floor next to the bed while sitting down cross-legged, looking expectantly at her.

She frowned at the plate with the sandwiches. They looked delicious and she was really hungry, but she wasn't sure if she could risk eating. Maybe the tea would help her to keep the food down, so she lifted the cup to her lips, taking a small sip. It tasted surprisingly good. And sweet. “Why is it sweet?”, she asked with a raised eyebrow. Kíli shrugged. “Mama put some honey into it, said it would be good for you.” Tauriel smiled fondly. Yes, that sounded like Dís.

They sipped their tea in silence for a while, then Kíli cleared his throat. “So, what about the talking part?”

Tauriel put her tea cup down, taking a deep breath. “Well, first of all, I'm sorry for causing that scene in the supermarket. I clearly overreacted.” Kíli snorted. “Don't worry about it. You are allowed to overreact. It's just the hormones,” he said, which caused Fíli to rap his knuckles against the back of Kíli's head. “You are not very sensitive, are you”, he scolded his brother while kneeling down on the floor next to him.

“Ouch, that hurt!”, Kíli complained, glowering at his brother. Tauriel giggled. “Boys, no fighting,” she said in a mock serious tone. But then she turned serious in earnest. “Yeah, maybe it's just hormones, but I really felt uncomfortable in that supermarket. I wasn't prepared to face any of your previous lovers and then, well, there was something about her that provoked me. Maybe it was her good looks or her perfect styling or the way she talked down to me, as if I wasn't good enough for you, as if she wanted to hook up with you two again.” The talking helped Tauriel to come to terms with her feelings for the brothers, her insecurities concerning this relationship.

Fíli and Kíli exchanged a look. “Well, I don't think she was interested in hooking up again. Did you see that ring on her finger? Her engagement ring? Fí and I would never have been able to afford something like that. And besides, our relationship with Roxanne was more... casual. She had her fun with us, we had ours with her. That's it!” Kíli explained.

Tauriel drew her eyebrows together, nodding. “And... what about the other girls you mentioned?”, she asked finally, not being able to look at them.

“Well, I had my first girlfriend when I was seventeen and we stayed together for four years,” Fíli explained. “She was the only girl who meant almost as much to me as you.” Tauriel felt a slight twinge in her stomach when hearing this, but she was thankful for his honesty. “And I was fifteen when I had my first girlfriend and I have to admit that I was totally in love with her for as long as it lasted, which was about three years,” Kíli confessed while taking her hand into his, entwining their fingers. For some reason that hurt her more than Fíli's confession. Maybe because she enjoyed how emotional and affectionate Kíli was towards her, and she didn't want to imagine him acting the same way towards somebody else.

“And then?”, she wanted to know, pressing his hand slightly, looking him in the eyes. Kíli shrugged. “After Karen and Alana, that were their names, they were sisters by the way, we never had separate girlfriends again, always sharing the same women. Of course, girls who are ready to have a threesome are normally not looking for anything serious,” he explained then and, after a nudge from Fíli, he added, “Of course, you are different. That's why we love you so much.” He smiled at her and pressed a soft kiss to her hand.

“Tauriel, you might not be our first, but you will definitely be our last!” Fíli declared, gently stroking her cheek.

This confession prompted her next reaction, pulling him in for a heated kiss (while Kíli had the presence of mind to place the tray on the floor before joining in). And since the single bed really was too small for three, she slipped from the bed, onto the floor, into the brothers' arms.

They hadn't been intimate in quite a while because Tauriel wasn't in the mood for it (feeling too unwell due to her constant sickness and being too stressed out due to her heavy workload). And she was glad that the brothers had respected her wishes, never urging her. But now she wanted to feel, to touch, to taste them again, craving their kisses and caresses.

Tauriel let them undress her while helping them with shedding their own clothes. And then, they were finally naked. Fíli was embracing her from behind, nuzzling her neck, cupping her breasts, teasing her nipples, while she could feel his hardness pressing against the small of her back, and Kíli was kissing down her stomach while gently spreading her legs, kissing her most intimate body part, pleasuring her with his mouth. It didn't take her long to reach her peak, screaming out his name, pulling his hair.

Then, when she finally came down, Fíli and Kíli switched places, now Kíli was holding her, caressing her breasts, kissing her throat, while Fíli was settling down between her thighs, using his lips and tongue to satisfy her. Again she climaxed very soon, being still sensitive from her first orgasm. While she was shuddering with aftershocks, she noticed something wet and sticky on her lower back. “Sorry,” Kíli whispered into her ear, then he kissed her temple. _Oh my, did he just... Without being touched?_ _Only from watching me come?_ she wondered, smiling smugly. Well, he was quite young, after all.

And then, when Fíli crawled up her body, she noticed that his member also wasn't as erect as before. When she looked questioningly at him, he winked at her. “Took care of my own needs while pleasuring you, so that you wouldn't have to bother with it afterwards!” Then he kissed her forehead.

They rearranged their position, settling down on the rug between Fíli's and Kíli's beds, the brothers pulling down a colourful wool blanket from one of the beds, spreading it over their naked, sweaty bodies, holding her close, all of them slowly dozing off.

“Tauriel? What about you?”, Kíli suddenly wanted to know. She didn't understand. “What do you mean?” she asked. He was holding her from behind, his hand gently caressing her stomach, while her head was resting on Fìli's chest, listening to his heartbeat. She was surrounded by their warmth and their scent, Fíli's like caramel and coffee, Kíli's like licorice and leather, feeling secure. But then Kíli elaborated. “Your ex-lovers. I remember you mentioning something before we made love for the first time, about your last time with a guy. You said he hadn't been gentle...”

Tauriel closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She would rather not talk about it, but they deserved to know the whole truth. After all, they had been honest with her as well. So she cleared her throat. “He... he raped me,” she confessed to them and thus admitted it to herself. “What?” Kíli asked sharply, sitting up, looking at her with a horrified expression.

“Tauriel, oh, my god! I'm so sorry! Do you... want to talk about it?” Fíli was also sitting up, dragging her with him, holding her close. She nodded. And then she told them everything that had happened when she was twenty-five, how she went home with him, how he suddenly turned into a monster, hurting her, the shame she felt afterwards.

Kíli was hugging her from behind, kissing her hair. “Why didn't you tell us earlier? That was something we definitely needed to know before sleeping with you! We would have been more considerate then,” he explained. Tauriel smiled. “You were considerate enough for me. Both of you!”

They fell silent again. Then, Fíli cleared his throat. “But he wasn't your only experience,” he stated. Tauriel shook her head, smiling. “No, fortunately not.” And then she told them about meeting her first real boyfriend when she was fifteen, how they had split up two years later, only to get together again when she had been nineteen and met him coincidentally at university because they enrolled in the same course. This time, their relationship only lasted one year, but she finally lost her virginity to him. When she had been twenty-two, she had met her last boyfriend before Fíli and Kíli, but the relationship had also been over after only one year, when she was twenty-three.

“And you didn't have any sex during all those years? No one-night-stands?”, Kíli asked unbelievingly. Tauriel blushed. “No. My only attempt at a one-night-stand or a casual fling or whatever went terribly wrong, remember? After the rape I wasn't really interested in sex anymore!”

Fíli took her face between his hands, looking into her eyes. “Well, obviously you changed your mind about that or... are you only doing it to please us? Because you don't have to, you know,” he reassured her.

Tauriel smiled at him. “Oh, don't worry, I'm not that altruistic, I really enjoy the sex with you two!”

Fíli smiled at her. “Good. But I think we should clean up, drink the tea and eat the sandwiches. I'm sure that sooner or later mama or Bilbo will ask us to help with dinner preparations and I'd rather not face them like this, naked and smelling of sex...” Both Tauriel and Kíli chuckled, but agreed with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Words seemed to make it visible.  
> But, speaking, even when it embarrassed me,  
> also slowly freed me from the shame I felt.  
> The more I struggled to speak, the less power  
> the rape, and its aftermath, seemed to have over me."  
> Nancy Raine, After Silence: Rape and My Journey Back, 1998


	18. Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family dinner. Tauriel faints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The plot thickens."  
> Unbetaed.

The dinner, cooked by Bilbo and Dís, looked and smelled wonderful. It consisted of steaks (well-done for Tauriel, because she was pregnant, medium for Bilbo, Dís and her older sons, rare for Thorin, whereas little Frodo had some chicken), spinach (because it was full of folic acid, something every pregnant woman needed, though the boys despised it) and fried potatoes (because it was Fíli's and Kíli's favourite).

Since Tauriel really felt better (Dís's tea actually seemed to have helped her), she felt confident to eat and keep down this rather hearty meal (she had already eaten one of Bilbo's peanut butter and blackcurrant jelly sandwiches in the afternoon without throwing up afterwards).

However she could feel Dís's eyes on her and whenever she looked up, the older woman was regarding her with a concerned expression. Then, Thorin dropped a bombshell. “There was a rather interestingly young lady in our shop today, saying that she was friends with you, Fíli and Kíli,” he explained and the brothers turned rather pale while Tauriel dropped her cutlery onto her plate, startling everyone around the table, but especially little Frodo, who immediately started crying. She blushed and mumbled, “I'm sorry”, lowering her gaze. Bilbo was busy to comfort his son, so he didn't notice the tense atmosphere. “What friend?”, Dís asked sternly.

Thorin shrugged while cutting his steak into little pieces; Tauriel could see the bloody meat juice gathering on his plate and felt bile rising in her throat. “A tall and beautiful redhead who has just signed a sales contract for a nice mansion in one of the neighbouring towns, together with her husband-to-be, and asked if we could design and built the fence for their property as well as the front door.”

Kíli cleared his throat. “That's great, isn't it? It sounds like a huge order and will certainly bring a lot of money, considering her engagement ring her fiancé seems to be ri – ouch!” He was interrupted by his brother who nudged him with his elbow. “Kíli! You really should learn when to shut up!”

Dís looked between her brother and her sons, eyebrows drawn together. “How do you know about her engagement ring, Kíli? What's going on?”

That was too much for Tauriel. Mumbling an excuse, she rose from the dinner table and stumbled towards the bathroom, emptying her stomach. For a while she was only focused on her retching and her contracting stomach, until her body got rid of what little she had already eaten of the delicious dinner.

Then, she felt a warm and gentle hand on her back. “You okay, lass?” It was Dís. Tauriel wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and nodded. Dís gestured for her to sit down on the rim of the bathtub, then she flushed the toilet and wetted a washcloth, which she handed over to Tauriel. “Here, clean yourself up!” she instructed and Tauriel did just that, enjoying the feeling of the rough terry cloth in combination with the cool wetness and smell of fabric softener. Afterwards, Dís offered her a toothbrush mug with lukewarm water so that she could rinse out her mouth. “Thank you,” she whispered, then started crying, for whatever reason.

In an instant, Dís was at her side, hugging her, offering motherly warmth and comfort. “Shh, my sweet girl, don't worry, the lads adore you, they would never risk what they have with you for a little bit of fun with some trollop!” In the background, Tauriel could hear Thorin yelling at his nephews while Fíli and Kíli seemed to defend themselves and Bilbo was alternately trying to calm down his distressed son and furious lover (Fíli and Kíli had revealed what kind of relationship their uncle had with Bilbo).

Tauriel completely let go. It was the only motherly embrace she had received in quite a while, clinging to Dís like a drowning woman, crying and sobbing as if there was no tomorrow.

When she was finally calming down, Dís wiped away her tears with her thumbs, then kissed her forehead. “So, let's now just wash your face and make you presentable, so we can go back to dinner and interrupt the menfolk before they kill each other!” Tauriel had to smile at that comment. For months she hadn't been sure if Dís really liked her or was just interested in her womb and her ability to bear children. But now, after this moment they had shared, after the tenderness this woman had shown towards her, she was convinced that Dís really liked her for who she was.

When they entered the kitchen, Tauriel could see that Bilbo and Frodo had fled the scene, Thorin was fuming, Kíli was pouting and Fíli looked really uncomfortable. “I never want to see that woman or her goddam husband setting a foot on our property again, is that understood?” Thorin asked, glaring at his nephews. “They are not yet married,” Kíli interjected. “Kíli!”, his brother hissed.

Dís cleared her throat. “So what was this shouting match all about? I can see that you frightened away Bilbo and my youngest son, Thorin. This wasn't only about the possible infidelity of the lads, was it?” Fíli winced. “Mama, how can you even assume something like that? We love Tauriel!” he exclaimed incredulously.

Dís snorted. “Men. I know you, you are all the same. Though I raised you better.” Her strong arm was still wrapped around Tauriel's shoulders as she led her over to her chair. Then she sat down as well. “So? I'm still waiting for an answer. What was this all about?”

Thorin sent one last warning stare at his nephews, then he turned towards his sister. “Well it's bad enough that this woman is one of your sons' ex-lovers, but what is worse is that this woman is engagegd to Azog Carnifex's son!” Dís's eyes widened. “What? That bastard who is to blame for our parents' and grandparents' deaths?” she hissed.

But Tauriel barely registered her words, the name 'Carnifex' was ringing a bell... Suddenly she remembered a sharp pain in her most private body part, a sharp pain on her face, a pressure on her wrists, a pressure on her mouth. An acid and metalic scent and taste. Valentine's Day. She couldn't properly breathe. And then, everything went black.

When she came back to her senses, she was lying on Dís's brown corduroy couch, Fíli and Kíli kneeling on the floor next to her (Fíli's hand on her shoulder, Kíli's hand in hers, their fingers entwined), Dís was sitting on said couch, checking her pulse. Bilbo, rocking a thumb-sucking Frodo (with tear-tracks on his cheeks) in his arms, was also looking at her, a worried expression on his face.

Immediately, she tried to sit up. “What... happened?” she asked and was pressed back down by Dís. “Shh, my dear girl, nothing serious, you just fainted, Oin confirms that it's normal to happen to pregnant women from time to time... Here, drink this!” She pressed a cup to Tauriel's lips which smelled of different herbs and contained a warm liquid. Tauriel made a face. Dís snorted. “I know, it doesn't smell and taste well, but according to Hilda, it will help you with your sickness... and other pregnancy related problems.”

Then, suddenly, a tall, dark-haired, middle-aged woman appeared behind Dís, smiling fondly at her. “Hello, my dear, you really should try to relax, to let others take care of you, you are too tense, it's not good for the baby.” Her words made Tauriel wince. Why was everybody in this stupid town suddenly informed about her condition? Why didn't she stay in the anonimity of her home? Watching movies, reading books, listening to music, like she did before she met Fíli and Kíli?

Suddenly she felt bad for her own thoughts. She loved the brothers and she knew that they and their family were just concerned about her (and, of course, her baby). So, why was she feeling such anger towards them from time to time? Was it really just the hormonal changes in her body due to the pregnancy?

“Hilda is a midwife. She helped me through my pregnancy with Frodo and his delivery. I called her already this afternoon because I was concerned about your constant sickness, and then I called her again after you fainted and she immediately agreed to come over and have a look at you.” Tauriel had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, Dís's care touched her, but on the other hand she felt patronized.

So, she just smiled, took a deep breath and tried to sit up again. This time, Dís let her. “Thank you, Dís. But I think I don't need a midwife. I'm already seeing a gynaecologist. Actually I have an appointment with him Monday afternoon because of my morning sickness,” she explained friendly but determined.

Dís frowned. “Well, I'm happy to hear that, but seeing a gynaecologist doesn't mean you can't also see a midwife, actually I was also seeing a gynaecologist during my pregnancy with Frodo.” Tauriel contemplated her answer. Maybe Dís was right. So she nodded, while smiling sweetly at her... at Fíli's and Kíli's mother. “Yeah, I'll happily let her examine me and will talk to her, if it appeases you.”

Dís smiled genuinely at her, caressing her cheek. “Thank you!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all bear with me. I just have to finish this background story for "Wish For A Child", though we are drawing near to the tragic event of Tauriel's miscarriage.  
> Yet there are also some other plot twists and hints which are important for the content of the sequel I have planned (if you are inteterested, that is, please let me know in the comments).


	19. Roxanne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Per chance, Tauriel meets Roxanne at the Lakewood Café. They talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed.

When Tauriel entered the _Lakewood Café_ for a quick lunch, she couldn't believe her eyes.

Sitting at her favourite table was someone she would rather not see; beautiful, red-haired, cunning. It was Roxanne Leroux.

Tauriel decided to leave immediately, but before she could flee, this woman spotted her, calling out to her as if they were good friends. Well, according to Roxanne, she once had been a good friend of Fíli and Kíli, maybe this circumstance made her believe that she was also good friends with her former lovers' girlfriend (and the girl her fiancé had raped once).

“Hey, Tauriel, over here!” Since she didn't want to cause a scene because some of the other guests were curiously looking at her, Tauriel took a deep breath, smiled a fake smile and went over to the other woman. “Hello, Roxanne what a surprise to meet you here”, she said, unconsciously putting a hand to her lower abdomen.

For a moment, the other redhead drew her eyebrows together at the gesture, but then she was all smiles and politeness. “Yeah, what a coincidence! It's great to see you again, especially since you are looking better than the last time we met!” Tauriel had to admit that this was probably true. Hilda gave her a mixture of different herbs she should use to brew a strong tea three times a day and taught her methods to relax. It was really helping her with everything she had to deal with, like the changes in her body (Kíli just claimed the other day that she started to show a baby bumb whereas Fíli was not so sure), the mood swings, the cravings, the occasional morning sickness (which now really only occurred at morning), job-related stress.

Tauriel remembered her good manners and answered smiling, “Thank you, you also look great,” hoping, that her voice didn't sound as fake as she thought. But Roxanne simply smiled back and extended a hand, gesturing towards one of the chairs. “Come, have a seat!”

Now it was official. Tauriel would have to spend her lunch break with this woman, if she hadn't wanted to avoid her colleagues' gossip, she would have spent lunch break at school. She couldn't decide which was worse, Roxannes company or her colleagues' chatter.

So, she sat down, ordering a peppermint tea when the waitress came over, serving Roxanne's _cafè latte_.

Roxanne took a sip, then she smiled blissfully, licking her lips before putting the glass back down. “This is really good! No wonder our estate agent recommended this café to us.” Tauriel remained quiet. Roxanne didn't seem to notice. “Anyway, I'm glad to meet you again – without the lads. The situation in the supermarket, well, it was a little bit tense, wasn't it? I understand, you weren't feeling well due to your pregnancy and not prepared to meet someone from Fíli's and Kíli's past, but let me assure you: Leaving them and leaving town was my best decision. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to push my career and make all this money and I certainly wouldn't have met my fiancé! So there is no reason for you to be jealous!” the other woman explained.

Before Tauriel could say anything, the waitress brought her tea. Thankfully she took a sip, then she forced herself to smile. “Don't worry, Roxanne, I wasn't jealous. You just met me at a difficult moment. I have to admit, I really felt unwell, but now it's better. So no hard feelings!” She hoped that she sounded convincing enough.

Roxanne studied her for a moment, than she smiled broadly. “Fine! I'm glad to hear that.” For a while they were sipping their drinks in uncomfortable silence.

At some point, Tauriel had to go to the toilet.

When she came back, Roxanne had almost finished her _cafè latte_. They were having some light small talk then, Tauriel coming to the conclusion that this woman didn't mean any harm and probably didn't know that her fiancé was a rapist. It wasn't her job to tell her.

“Anyway, it was nice to talk to you, Tauriel. I know, that we won't be friends, but at least we can be civil with each other when our paths cross the next time!” Saying that, she gestured for the waitress to come over in order to settle her bill.

Tauriel frowned while finishing her own cup of tea (she wasn't sure but somehow it tasted a little bit off), bidding the other woman farewell.

Then she also paid for her drink and left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost there, guys. I have planned to add two more chapters to this story. Then I will start writing the sequel to this one (and "Wish For A Child").  
> I know this chapter is short, but it is important! (Can you guess why?)


	20. Blood and Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When Tauriel woke up, she experienced a minor cramp in her lower abdomen..."  
> Tauriel loses her baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I would like to thank my beta reader, GrammarGrrrl.  
> Furthermore, I have to warn you that this is a vey depressing chapter.

When Tauriel woke up, she experienced a minor cramp in her lower abdomen as if she was getting her period. But she was pregnant!

Panicking, she sat up in bed, disentangling herself from Kili, reaching over to switch on the bedside lamp. That was when she noticed something wet and sticky between her thighs and, upon checking, she saw that it was blood. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she whimpered. That couldn't be!

“Kili,” she whispered. Of course, he didn't react. So she shook his shoulder. “Kili!” He woke with a start, looking at her with an unfocused gaze.

“What...” he started, rubbing his eyes.

“I'm... I'm bleeding!” she said. Kili needed a moment to understand her properly. He really wasn't a morning person, contrary to his brother.

“You... What? What do you mean?” She took a deep breath in order to explain it to him, when his eyes wandered down to her lap where a huge blood stain was visible on the front of her light green sleeping shorts. His eyes widened. “Oh shit!” he explained. Then his eyes met hers. “Tauriel, does that mean...” He didn't finish his sentence, just looked at her. She could tell that he was as afraid as she was.

“I don’t know. I need to see a doctor,” she simply answered but didn't make any move to get out of bed.

Kili ruffled his hair, obviously thinking hard. “Right. A doctor. I will call an ambulance. They'll bring you to the hospital. Don't worry, everything will be alright,” he tried to reassure her, but it didn't really work. Tauriel knew what it meant that she was bleeding and having cramps. She was losing the baby!

Kili got out of bed, searching for his phone, when the bedroom door opened and Fili walked in, a yellow towel wrapped around his waist, his blond, curly hair wet from the shower.

“You guys saw a ghost or something?” he asked when he noticed Tauriel's and Kíli's frightened expressions.

Kili scowled. “She is bleeding, you idiot!” he shouted at his brother.

Fili’s eyes widened, “What? Tauriel, is that true?” Tauriel simply nodded, tears burning in her eyes. Now, Fili also looked frightened. Pressing a hand to his mouth, breathing hard, he seemed to think about what to do next (while Kili still searched for his phone). “Right,” Fili finally said, “We'll call Mama. Wait! No, we'll call Hilda. She will know what to do.”

Kili stopped his search, “What to do? We need to get her to a hospital!” he exclaimed.

Tauriel started shaking her head, “No. My gynaecologist. Take me to my gynaecologist. Maybe he can help,” she explained with a suspiciously low and panicked voice.

Fili nodded, “She is right. Kili, can you stop doing whatever it is you are doing? You are making me nervous!”

Kili pouted, “I'm looking for my phone!”

Fili rolled his eyes, “You don't need your phone right now. You need to get ready! It's not yet seven o'clock. I assume that the gynaecologist's surgery will open around eight o'clock. I'll get dressed and you should get dressed too! Do you... do you need help with cleaning up?” Fili asked, directing the last part at Tauriel.

She looked at him with big eyes. “No!” she answered, feeling embarrassed at the thought that one or both brothers would help her to wipe away the blood from between her thighs, from her private parts.

When she got up from the bed, she felt a slightly stronger cramp and could feel a gush of hot blood running down the inside of her thighs. Of course, Fili noticed and extending his hand towards her, he said, “Come, Tauriel, let's get those shorts off of you and clean you up a bit! Kili, get dressed and put out some fresh clothes for her, something comfortable, and don't forget her underwear!” He told his younger brother. The brunet swallowed but nodded.

Fili, however, took Tauriel's hand into his, guided her over to the bathroom. “Let's clean away the blood,” he declared.

Tauriel hesitated. “I can do it myself,” she whispered.

Fili turned towards her, “I know that you can. But, please, let me take care of you!” Tauriel bit her lip and, lowering her gaze, nodded.

He was very gentle when pulling down her blood-stained and sticky shorts and underpants, kneeling next to her, looking straight into her eyes. Then he gestured for her to sit down on the edge of her bathtub, while he wetted a washcloth. Then he came back to her, again kneeling next to her, nudging her knees apart so that he could wipe away the blood.

Tauriel could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment, yet she also appreciated the gesture. When the washcloth was more red than white, he got up, washed it out in the basin, then came back to her, continued the cleaning.

Finally, Kili brought her clothes – grey sweat pants, an olive green, long sleeved t-shirt, a black bra and black knickers – and Fili helped her to get dressed.

“I need to put a pad in my knickers so that I won't bleed all over the sweat pants,” she explained shyly.

Kili furrowed his brow, “Where do you keep them?” he asked.

Tauriel gestured towards the shelf next to the basin. “Third drawer,” she answered and he rushed over to the shelf, took out a pack of pads, handed them over to her.

After she had placed one of the pads in her panties and was properly dressed, she tried to pull her hair together in a loose braid. Unfortunately, her hair needed straightening in order to be manageable, but she didn't care about it right now. Not under these circumstances!

Fili and Kili guided her over to the living room. “Keep her company while I get dressed!” Fili ordered and Kili nodded.

So she was sitting on her couch, doubled over because the pain was getting worse, while she could feel that more blood was seeping into her pad. Kili's arm was tightly wrapped around her waist.

Five minutes later, Fili came back, now fully dressed in light blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a beige cardigan. “I wrote a note for Gimli and Legolas,” he explained, then they left the apartment.

They took Tauriel's car. Fili was driving while Kili was sitting with Tauriel in the backseat, holding her close. At some point, he took off his black hoodie with the red band logo and handed it to her.

“You're shivering. Take it,” he said. Tauriel thanked him though she didn't elaborate that the shivering was rather due to fright, not cold.

To her the drive to the gynaecologist seemed to last hours. Of course, they were too early (the surgery hadn't opened yet), so they had to wait in front of the building. They weren't the only ones though. Two other patients were waiting there with them, looking curiously at her, standing between Fili and Kili, both boys supporting her because the cramps were getting worse by the minute. Furthermore, she feared that her pad wouldn’t be able to absorb all the blood and.... other stuff that was rushing out of her (and later it turned out that her assumption had been right, her sweat pants blood stained while she was still waiting for her turn to see the doctor).

In the end, Tauriel didn't know how long she had to wait to be called into one of the surgeries, but by then she was convinced that it was too late – the cramps were too strong and there was too much blood – to save the baby.

The doctor only confirmed it. Her baby had already died without her noticing (the doctor explained that officially she was eleven weeks and four days pregnant, but the baby was only as big as it would have been four days ago and he couldn’t hear a heartbeat). The baby was dead; he or she had died in her womb!

While Tauriel only felt numb, not being able to even grasp the concept, Kili started crying heartbreakingly, but neither she nor Fili could comfort him, dealing with their own grief in their own way. She remembered Fili turning pale while his facial features froze and thought that maybe she looked the same.

The doctor explained to them what was to be done next. She was in dire need of a curettage to remove everything from her womb. It could be dangerous to have the dead tissue inside of her, it could lead to an infection which could cause infertility (or, in the worst case, lead to her death).

On the other hand, the surgery she had to undergo also harboured some risks. Her uterus could get damaged and then would have to be removed (and she would never be able to have children on her own). Or, again she could get an infection afterwards. Which then would also lead to infertility.

However, the risks were higher if she didn't agree to the surgery; so she did.

Her gynaecologist called the clinic to make an appointment for her for the next day.

Tauriel couldn't really recall anything after her seeing her gynaecologist and receiving the bad news. She barely registered the drive home, how Kili helped her to take a shower (or rather showered together with her, crying the whole time) in order to clean away the fresh blood, Legolas assailing her with questions which Fili answered in her stead, Gimli explaining that he had told her school what was going when they called because she didn't show up.

She was like a puppet on a string, drank some water when Legolas put the glass to her lips, ate some soup when Fili placed a bowl in front of her, went to bed when Fili and Kili guided her to her bedroom. She wasn't even embarrassed anymore when Fili helped her change her pad.

The next morning it was the same. Fili and Kili helped her to take a shower and get dressed, then they drove her to the clinic in her own car. Legolas and Gimli went with them, following them in Legolas's car.

She barely noticed the preparations for the surgery, the paper she had to sign, the medication. At some point she had to change into a hospital gown, was hooked to an IV. Fili and Kili had to take their leave, both of them hugging her tightly, kissing her briefly and she could feel Kili's tears (Legolas and Gimli had already left, Gimli looking extremely worried, Legolas openly crying and they were now sitting in the waiting area).

Then the general anaesthetic was administered and she blacked out.

When she came to again she needed a moment to understand what had happened, where she was. A doctor was checking in on her, a young nurse tended to her, then they left and she was alone again. She dozed off and only woke up when she felt a strong and calloused hand holding hers. It was Fili. He smiled at her when he noticed that she was awake.

“Hey!” he simply stated, Tauriel frowned.

“Where...where is Kili?” she wanted to know.

Fili reached out a hand to push back a stray strand of her long hair, then he frowned as well. “Only one of us was allowed to sit with you. We decided it was better that I went to you.”

She wanted to ask why, but feared the answer. Maybe Kili's feelings towards her had changed. She wasn't carrying their child anymore after all. So, she simply stated. “It's over, Fili. It's all over now. Our baby...” She couldn't say more. It hurt too much. Tauriel wanted to cry, but she couldn't. For some reason she couldn't. There was still this numbness.

Fili looked into her eyes, then he got up from the chair he had been sitting in, settled down on the bed next to her, embracing her tightly. “I know,” he whispered, “I know.” They remained like this for quite a while until the doctor checked in on her again and decided that she was well enough to go home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Please let me know what you think.


	21. Grief and Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel tries to cope with the loss of her child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I want to thank my beta, GrammarGrrrl.

Tauriel couldn't sleep.

Sitting on the couch in the dark living room, her laptop on her knees, she was watching video after video about women who miscarried, who had stillborn babies, whose babies died within the first year due to sudden infant death syndrome. It wasn't fair, and it was so sad. Parents who mourned the loss of their child. Tauriel couldn't stop crying. 

Each new video let fresh tears well up in her eyes because she felt for them, she felt for all those potential mothers and fathers. Of course she did. She was one of them now.

This was how Fili found her. 

“Hey, what are you doing here, it's half past three in the morning”, he quietly said, coming over to her on his bare feet, wearing boxers and a t-shirt.

Then he frowned. “You are crying! What's wrong? Are you in pain? Shall I take you to the hospital?”

Tauriel shook her head and wiped away her tears. She hated to cry in front of others. So far she had been the only one not crying about the loss of their baby, Kili had cried, as had Fili and even Legolas. Gimli didn't though. But it hadn't been his child who had died. It had been hers!

Why couldn't she cry about it? Why did she need to watch sad online videos in order to feel anything? What was wrong with her? And even Fili thought that she was crying because she was in pain, not because she mourned their child.

“It's not fair!”, she finally sobbed, breaking down completely.

Fili was instantly at her side, taking her into his arms; holding her and kissing her hair. “Shh, I know. I know it isn't.” She buried her face in his chest, deeply inhaling his familiar scent like coffee and caramel, not caring in the slightest that she was drenching his t-shirt with her tears and, well, snot.

He didn't care either. Just holding her, being there for her, supporting her. Kili wasn't, though. He had barely looked at her and definitely not talked to her since the curettage, which had been three, no, four days ago. Maybe he blamed her for the miscarriage. To be honest, she blamed herself somehow.

Tauriel remembered her anger after meeting a gorgeous looking Roxanne in the supermarket while she looked terrible and even felt worse due to the symptoms accompanying her pregnancy. At that moment, she had wished that she weren't pregnant then, so that she would have been equal to this woman, her boyfriends' ex-lover... Later, of course she understood how stupid her jealousy had been, both Fili and Kili had reassured her that Roxanne had only been an affair, nothing serious. Even Roxanne had admitted to her that she didn't regret leaving the boys because her life had only become better since then (though Tauriel couldn't understand why, considering this woman's terrible choice for a husband-to-be).

Suddenly, the thought of her meeting with Roxanne unsettled her, almost as if that was the reason for her baby dying... Well, she didn't want to go down that road now. It was too much to grasp.

However, Kíli's behaviour towards her had definitely changed.

He had been so delighted about her pregnancy and had acted very affectionately towards her the whole time she was carrying their child, barely being able to keep his hands off her. But now... now it was all over. Not only the pregnancy, but also Kili's affection for her, she could tell. That was what seemed to hurt most . 

“I miss him, Fili, I miss Kili so much! But... but he doesn't love me anymore! He thinks it's my fault that I miscarried!” she finally confessed. 

Fili tensed and, grabbing her upper arms, he held her at arm's length so that he could look into her eyes. “How can you say that? Do you know how much he is suffering? He loves you, Tauriel, but he also loved our child. He just doesn't want to upset you with his grief. He cries himself to sleep every night, he thinks I can't hear him, but I do! Of course you don't know, you don't let us sleep in your bed anymore...”

She slapped him, but he was right, of course. She had banned the brothers from her bed on the evening of her curettage because she couldn't stand their closeness, their grief.

It wasn't her hardest punch, though. Being a kickboxer (not only a ballet dancer, mind you) she could have done better. She was glad she didn't. Pressing a hand to her mouth, she looked apologetically at him.

“I'm sorry, Fili, I didn't mean to...”

He shook his head, smiling sadly. “Oh, I think you did! But I don't blame you, I shouldn't have talked to you like that. It was so wrong, verbally attacking a woman who has just lost a child... God, if Mama knew this, she would have slapped me herself, or worse!”

Tauriel could imagine that, a furious Dis being angry with her son. She laughed, while there were still tears streaming down her cheeks.

Fili had to laugh as well, while he loosened his grip on her arms, suddenly frowning. “Did I hurt you? I know you bruise easily, so if this leaves any trace...” He shook his head, pulling up her sleeves, checking her fair skin.

“You didn't hurt me, Fili, I know you never would, not on purpose,” she whispered, searching his eyes. He met her gaze and for a moment they forgot everything around them. 

“You should talk to Kili, you know. He is very unhappy. And he misses you too. But he doesn't know how to approach you after what happened. You have to make the first step. I know my brother, he is waiting for you to reach out to him. You say that he blames you, but I think he blames himself, for whatever reason. Maybe he thinks that he – that we – failed to protect you and our child,” Fili finally explained.

Tauriel bit her lip and lowered her gaze. “I didn't know he was hurting that much. I was too focused on my own grief.”

Fili put his fingers under her chin, forcing her gently to look at him. “And you have every right to. But don't shut us out, okay? We are all hurting and we all have to come to terms with the loss of our first child. Let's do it together, then. I don't want this, us, what we have, to crumble under the weight of grief. We have to be honest with each other, support each other.”

She knew he was right, and she would try to talk to Kili. Tomorrow. Now she was just exhausted, emotionally, and physically. 

“Fili, can you stay with me? At least until I'm asleep?” she asked.

He smiled at her, kissing her forehead, and answered, “Yes, of course. But no more watching sad videos, oh, don't look like that, I'm not stupid, I know what you have been doing. And will you let me take you to your bed? I don't think the couch is big enough for the two of us!”

Tauriel smiled at him. “Yeah, of course.”

So, Fili carried her to her bed and settled down next to her, his arms protectively wrapped around her upper body. His broad chest touching her back so that she could feel his body heat. It didn't take her long to fall asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, Fili was still holding her.

But he wasn't the only one. 

Kili was also in bed with them, firmly pressed against her front, his arms tightly wrapped around her waist.

Tauriel assumed that at some point during the night, Kili must have woken up and, in search for his brother, ended up in her room. Of course, when he saw Fili and her snuggled up like this, he didn't want to be left out and, therefore, took his place in her bed. Thinking about this scenario, Tauriel smiled. 

Then she noticed the tear tracks on his cheeks, and frowned. They were proof to what Fili had told her, about Kili crying himself to sleep because he mourned their dead baby. Her heart broke at that thought.

As soon as he woke up, she would talk to him.

She would never allow anything to drive a wedge between the brothers and her.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys, that was the last chapter! But the story does not end here...  
> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments!


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